A couple weeks ago I was sitting at my desk at work thinking, “I can’t do this anymore.” I was stressed to tears, gossiped about and bullied into thinking I was a nobody with little to no talent. It wasn’t because everyone would act this way toward me, it was because a select few took pride in making many people feel powerless. I was one of the many victims who were part of their tyranny.
I was unhappy.
I wasn’t doing all the things I loved to do anymore, because I was consumed with so much stress from work that I just didn’t have the time to consider many other things.
I wasn’t praying.
I wasn’t reading my bible. EVER.
… and I simply wasn’t able to dedicate much time to our fundraising.
It was hard. Wayyyy hard.
In the midst of all the negativity, I decided to job hunt. At the time, it should have seemed irrational, I mean, who looks for a career job (when they already have one), when they plan on leaving the country in six months? But in the moment, I just needed sanity, respect, peace and simply the time to get my life together.
Well…. one day after work I sat down to look up jobs and I found one in the same field I’m working in that paid more, had less hours and was only needing someone temporary (perfect). Its seemed too good to be true. (at the time I was so disheartened that I couldn’t even understand that God was orchestrating something WAY bigger than I thought — doesn’t he always do that?)
So… I applied.
Immediately I was called for an interview. Then after that interview, I was quickly called in for a second. Then shortly after the second, I was offered the job. It all happened so fast. It’s really hard to even explain to myself how swift everything started falling into place.
I had one day to tell them whether it was the job for me or not.
Bryce and I stayed up late praying and discussing the pros and debating the cons. We felt that after deliberating, the choice was clear – I needed to stay at my current job.
(Gasp! Probably didn’t see that one coming??)
We had felt that the guarantee of work from my current job was convincing enough for me to stay, even though we both knew the toll it was taking on me emotionally and physically.
So I went to work the next day with a half smile and the weighty feeling of no hope. “This is it I suppose.” I called the people who offered me the job and kindly declined. All day I kept questioning if I had made the right decision. Even the next day I sat in regret. I was filled with anger and tears, “Why did I turn this down, what is wrong with you Kimmy??”
So, after two days of living with regret I decided to do something a little ridiculous.
I wrote a pathetic email.
I basically told the people who offered me the job that I had changed my mind, and if it was at all possible, I would love to accept the offer!
Within two hours….. they called me back!
They offered it immediately and said they hadn’t even offered it to anyone else after I said no.
WHAT? When does that ever happen? Try to tell me that’s not God-designed, God-written, God-ordained. That is way more than I would ever expect or imagine!
So I did it. The next day I put in my two weeks and it went smoothly. Everything had changed: my mood, my energy, my voice. I felt like I got a little piece of me back.
Then it gets even cooler.
While at this job, I always felt only 6 or 7 people there really got me and we had a mutual friendship. Otherwise, everyone else was just a casual friendship or even much less than that.
Well, within my last two days there I had 17 people come up and tell me how MY positivity changed the office completely and that they were gonna miss that.
Hold up…. MY positivity?
I was puzzled. Somehow, in these people, they saw me as positive. Then on the last day I had two people pray over me? Ummm… okay, are you serious??
This was mind-blowing. I felt the presence of God through these people. I felt them remind me that God has already planned my days and sewn them together to illustrate something so spectacular.
Sure, the people who were bullies to me didn’t come up and say goodbye. That was to be assumed. Ultimately, they are the reason I left. However, the fact that other people took notice of my attitude was huge to me.
After walking out the doors on my last day and stepping into my car I tried to just numb the moment. It was sad and yet so exciting. I was ready for new waters.
Then it hit me. I felt the 100lb weight lift from my shoulders. I felt my lungs regain their posture and start breathing in new air. I felt cold tears stream from my eyes as I tried to understand what was overcoming me.
“Thank you.”
I heard God say those words to me and I broke. I felt God thanking me. I couldn’t stop crying as I felt him tell me that I was enough.
I believe God had me at my last job so I could encourage others, but it came at the cost of me feeling so discouraged. But now that I see the whole picture, I am so blessed to have been able to witness to others. I don’t know God’s exact plan, but I believe he put me there to lift up other people.
Thank you God for using me in ways I don’t understand.
Without that pathetic email, I would have never known God’s redemptive plan.
