I’ve always been into y’all guys. I mean, my first boyfriend was 6’6 so it’s kind of hard to go any shorter than 6’2. I have and will always be a tough, independent girl who can take care of herself. However, when you give me a guy who is taller and stronger than me, it makes me feel more feminine. Like I can be taken care of rather than the caretaker.
I have been single for 5 years now and I have enjoyed my freedom most of the time. Yet, once I began the World Race, my heart began to feel the loneliness and longing that comes with being single. Twenty-one of my friends back in the states have gotten engaged/married while I have been gone. Twenty-one!!! It seems that every time I get on social media I see a new announcement and twitterpated couple starring back at me from the screen.
Everyone tells me that I am young and have plenty of time to find the right person and start that section of my life. And, although this is true, I find myself praying everyday to God for my future husband. Lately, I have started feeling guilty about praying for a future prince. “Shouldn’t I be perfectly happy with it being just God and me?” I question how I am supposed to be completely fulfilled by someone who cannot physically hold me when I am hurting or trust in someone to keep me safe when I am constantly “on my own”. I can definitely look and act like a tough girl on the outside, but on the inside, I feel weak and tired.
Due to the fact that these thoughts have been haunting me for the past few months, I finally decided to do some research. I stumbled upon a Podcast that spoke on the “availability that singleness gives you” and it changed my perspective on my “situation” entirely. The gentleman speaking focused on 1 Corinthians 7 which is basically the go-to section of the Bible for singleness and marriage. Paul uses this passage to give the church of Corinth instructions on what God centered relationships look like and how single people should live their lives fully. I have heard this passage many times in my life, yet, God used this speaker to reveal something new.
First thing I learned, is that it is OKAY to feel longing for a relationship. God designed man and woman to complement one another, so longing is a natural feeling. However, if you let your longing turn into bitterness, that is when you have crossed the line and started taking your singleness for granted. For example, if I am praying to God for my future husband and asking that He prepare him to be the man of God I need, that is 100% okay. BUT, if I started blaming God for my singleness and focusing all of my attention on obtaining a relationship, I begin to turn from God and waste my time worrying about something other than HIM.
The second thing I learned was that there is more to being single than I realized. Did you know, that the only thing an unmarried person should worry about in life, is pleasing the Lord? That’s IT. The ONLY thing I, Brooklynn Graybill, need to worry about in life is how I can better please the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says, “the unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the work of the Lord, how she can be holy in both body and spirit”. How completely simple is that? I mean, once this race is over, I am literally free to serve God in anyway I possibly can, with no restrictions.
With that being said, I have officially decided to focus all of my attention on the Lord for the first time since I was a child. Yes, I will continue praying for my future husband and the life we will have together. But, as of now, I will be focusing on the only man I truly need in my life. A man who can make me feel safe and secure. A man who can love me unconditionally no matter what, Jesus. As Hebrews 12:1b-2 says, “Let is run with perseverance, The Race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith”.
