So, there were these super nice shower stalls in Louisiana. They were made of silver metal, clean, private, and had great pressure. I found myself in one of them after aimlessly walking around. I was crying. Really not thriving. There was just a big pile of shame and comparison on my back and I couldn’t take it anymore or shake it by myself.
This was the second time that I found myself weeping and isolated surrounding this battle in my life. The first time I cried out to the Lord in my less than awesome state, He prompted me to talk to Him as I would a friend. He also reminded me that He is my first dependency; the One I need to run to first. Then, the second time it occurred in a span of a week (the shower stall remember), He invited me to invite my people into it, to fight alongside me. Upon some convincing, I sent a message inviting my squad mentor and co-lead to the showers. Oh man people, I was so squirmy. Next, I get responses like which shower, where are you? And then a knock. I open up the door. Not just the actual door to the shower room, but also, I cracked open the door to my soul. I physically invited people into the shame-filled state that I was in. And none of my flesh, sin nature loved that. I wanted to stay isolated and hidden. (hint- that’s not the way to find freedom and relief).
Okay, now we can all chuckle. We sat down in the stall, a bit cramped, me trying to not be squirmy. I shared my heart. I shared how I wanted to run or just be fired. I felt like I was not it for this job. The thoughts of my gifts are wrong for this, I am not giving enough to the squad (I guess this one would have been true if I would have decided to stay hidden in shame, capped at the knees) ran through my head. Do I even have gifts? My brain and thought life was under attack. Shame, shame, shame. Just a bunch of lies if you ask me.
But then!
We prayed in Jesus name, we listened. We invited God in. The Lord showered me with vision and truth.
The Lord would not have called me here and told me to do this if I wasn’t prepared. He has given me the amount of authority that I need to do this job with excellence. I do not need to be under shame, under comparison. I am a daughter, filled with authority. Also, I learned, once again, that I needed my community to stand strong with me in this fight.
This was big for me. A big step into actual vulnerability. A big step into actually letting my new people in. AND. Since I took control and ownership of the situation, since I stepped out in both obedience and vulnerability, I was now walking in Spiritual authority in this area.
A few days later, one of my racers also came to me filled with shame. She had a foggy mind, a confused soul. Similar to me. Now, since I walked in squirmy obedience, I got to minister to someone else. And once again, we prayed in Jesus name, we listened. We invited God in. The Lord showered her with vision and truth. And, I got to be a part of giving away what I was just given- healing and freedom! AH!
Anyways, I really like this story and wanted to share it with y’all!
