Some time has past now since training camp. I have showered, slept, and ate all my favorite foods. Now I am itching to go; launch is on my mind almost every hour of the day. This seems like innocent excitement, and some of it is. But most of it is me being unable to slow down, look around, and breathe. I have actually found out that I am scared of it. Free time, no agenda, no routine, no goals is a really daunting situation to me. I also think I’m scared that the longer I wait the more painful the “goodbye” is going to be. As well as, sitting back and watching my team go on with the life that I was suppose to be living. This all results in me not being fully present, when it is a crucial time to be.
But, I am not the same person I was 20 days ago. I know now to truly reach out to Jesus and wait on His answer. This is a dramatic change from me praying and then jumping right into fixing myself, how pointless right? That’s not how this partnership works.
This is how the conversation with Jesus and me went:
Brook- “Lord, what should I do next to reach my next fundraising goal?” (making sure to ask because when I do it in my own strength it flops).
Jesus-“Nothing, just rest with me and enjoy your time at home.”
Brook- “Okay sick, I know you are a mighty provider and I trust you. But should I start brushing up on my Spanish/ learning how to play my uke? How about making a trip out to Omaha to go visit my team?”
Jesus-“I just want you to rest with me so we can prepare you to go out.”
Brook-“Butttt…..”
Yes, I am still in the “but I want to do something phase”. I am a 100%, patented “doer”. I love to have goals and reach them. I also love to jump out of painful situations with ”doing”. In the past, this has gotten me into a lot of trouble. Doing things for the sake of doing them is very counter intuitive.
Dang the Message and Matthew 11:28-30 (prophesied over me before I started to even struggle):
28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
The unforced rhythms of grace, how beautiful is that picture? It reminds me of a lazy river. Jesus is chilling on His tube floating with the current, basking in His sun. He probably has some sunscreen on his nose and Maui Jim sunglasses on, looking as chill and relaxed as ever. And silly me is standing in the middle of the rushing water trying to walk, swim, dive in the opposite direction of the flow, out of breath and not moving anywhere. (Haha, the more I write the more accurate this imagery is becoming). My goal ~wait scratch that~ my ambition, my only job is to hop on a nice, fluffy tube and coast on the unforced current of grace with my Jesus.
Prayer Request: that I can settle my heart in the palm of Jesus’ hand and properly anticipate the future. Also, prayer for the health of my uncle, Mark, is much appreciated.
Catch you on the next lap my dudes. (Imagine me doing the gnarly, rad hand sign)
Much Love,
Brook
Many thanks to all of my supporters. It humbles me that you all believe in me enough to financially give to my cause. It also humbles me that Jesus wants me to sit back and watch it all happen. I am almost 50% funded and am ~$800 to my next goal! There are two wonderful buttons at the top of my page; “subscribe” and “donate”, click on whatever the Holy Spirit is leading you to click on! Blessings on your life!
