Hello loyal followers, friends and fam— Sorry to keep you all on the edge of your seats for so long. To be honest I’ve been feeling anxious about the upcoming deadlines and requirements & the future in general. (Understandable right?) I didn’t want to sit down and write a blog because I didn’t want to confront my uncertainties and fears. “If I don’t hear it’s not true” right??
wrong.
One day while playing “Life” with my friends I came to a harsh realization that just because you become stagnant and ignore your issues doesn’t mean that everyones life pauses, but only you are missing out on everything life has to offer.
You may be wondering “how in the heck does a board game affect you that much???” Boyyy do I have a story for you.
One day after school, (which is getting more and more painful to get through), I came up to my room fully intending to watch The Bachelorette and eat a snack. Fast forward about five minutes and I’m laying under the covers sobbing, trying to catch my breath, the full on ugly cry. Not because of a really emotional episode of the Bachelorette either. You see, the silence, the still times, thats when the things you’ve been running from catch up to you.
Running endlessly from doubt, and fear that I’m not a good enough Christian to go on the World Race, fear that I won’t raise the money and the thing I want so badly will slip between my fingers, doubt that I’ll be able to focus on anything other than missing my family, fear that something bad will happen to me or my team, doubt that God would choose ME to do some of his most important work. Running without stopping to catch a breath, without stopping to look to Jesus for peace. Running even though with his help I could be calmly walking.
I wish I had this wisdom a couple weeks ago when I was a mess, red eyes, puffy cheeks, mascara running down my face. But I only had the game of Life.
My friends knew I was upset and being the amazing people that they are came to kidnap me and cheer me up. (there were supposed to be gummy bears involved but they accidentally ate them on the way to my house) ANYWAYS: we went to my friends house and goofed off as usual before deciding to play a board game, we coincidentally chose Life. GREAAAT. I’m sitting there as the game is being set up still very fragile and probably looking a little bit pitiful. We get to the dreaded part where you choose between work and college.. I just lose it. My friends are staring at me in shock and concern while I’m once again sitting on the floor sobbing. It came out of nowhere and it was a powerful wave of emotion. Thankfully it was over in like ten minutes and somehow I felt REFRESHED??
You see I had been avoiding my emotions for so long, going through the motions, smiling and nodding. For some reason, during that game of Life God decided to show me that you have to stop for a minute and feel.
I’m still stressed and kind of a mess but I take some more breaks and maybe a few more tears to remind myself that good things in life do not come cheap. The God of the Universe has chosen me to be his hands and feet and sometimes those hands and feet are gonna get a little dirty. But he WILL wipe them clean.
Thanks so much for listening, if you’re struggling with anything try playing a board game!!! (let me know how it goes)
All my Love, Brooke
