so,
it’s been just a quick minute since I’ve updated anyone on anything.
hey. it’s Brooke.
in the quickest, easiest explanation, here’s what’s going on in my life in one sentence:
Fresh out of Kenya, I’m back at school as a Sophomore, studying global studies and integrated communications, and I’m not going on the race this fall.
That’s the update in short.
I’ve had a lot to say in the past 2 and a half months, but it’s been very difficult to find the words and the bravery to open up about it all. If you know me, I’m a super transparent person. There’s not much I won’t tell you. In fact, I love to talk and I tend to overshare. But, I think I’ve just been waiting for the right time. In my spirit, now is the time to share, so here the words are, a fluid flow of courageous words, straight from me, into the world.
this isn’t the worldrace.
That’s just the fact of the matter. This ain’t the race, baby. but, you know what it is? Life! I don’t mean, “welp, that’s just life and crap happens and things suck sometimes.” I’ve been there for a minute too, but I’m referring to ABUNDANT LIFE! Not because I [necessarily] chose it. Not because of anything particular in itself, but because of my Jesus Christ. That’s it. Jesus came for that reason. John 10:10, BABY.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
So, here’s the thing. I’m not in Swaziland, or at month one debrief in South Africa. But, I’m in Lynchburg, Virginia in college, applying for job after job after job, and spending my free time in comfy chairs in the corner of the library and taking treks through the mountains, breathing in the freshness of unpolluted, quiet, crisp air. Am I distraught? upset? angry? jealous?
Nope. In complete rawness, I’m not. I’m content. I have my moments, surely. I cry about it every once in a while. But, Life is abundant. In Kenya. In Swaziland. In North Carolina. In Virginia. Everywhere. The devil wanted to steal this season, destroy this season, and let it suck the life out of me more than anything. I know he did. But, he can’t. In the wise words of my best friend, FREEDOM IS MY BIRTHRIGHT.
So, why would I settle for anything less? Why would I accept defeat, make a home in my disappointment, and drink from puddles when I’ve been invited to freely driving from the well of living water? I won’t. That’s the steadfast truth of Christ. And I’ve been living from THAT for the past 2 and a half months. Sure, It’s taken me being a really intent learner and listener to get to this place of understanding, but Jesus is a gentleman and has so gently introduced me to this wonderful abundant life.
Today, I’m alive. I’m truly, truly alive.
The Gospel is my song, my battlecry, and heaven is my inheritance (Psalm 16:6). I’m living. I’m thriving. I’m on fire. Not because of my efforts; If I’ve learned anything, it’s that screaming at the waves doesn’t make them stop and yelling at seeds doesn’t make them grow into a beautiful garden. I’m overwhelmed by the love of my Father in Heaven and continually floored by the sacrifice of what Jesus did for us & for me. I’m wide awake in the wonder of His presence. I’m not a lost, unadopted child. I’m not an insecure, searching, or anxious daughter. I am a child of God. I am a peace-filled, inheritance receiving, compassion overflowing, daughter of God. I am the home the Holy Spirit chose to dwell in.
With the spirit in me, I am not my own. But, I am filled. There’s breath in my lungs and life in my very bones. From the garden to eternity, I am HIS. I am hollowed out and filled with His character, spirit, heart, and life. There is no life apart from Him.
Everybody, I’m in love with God. I am digging tunnels and making a resident place in the Word of God. Sometimes, I have to say (not sure if the people will resonate! but, anyways!) that being a young adult feels like being jostled around. Being tossed back and forth like fruit in a truck. From place to place, from hand to hand, from bumpy road to smooth one. Not sure where your destination is, but you can’t get off your mind where you came from or where you’re going next. In the last year and a half, I’ve lived in two different states on and off, traveled back and forth from continent to continent. The nature of this season is quick changing and rapid turnarounds. All of it is so good, but sometimes a lot to wrap my head around. My quick moving brain loves it, but it is also a daunting task to process it all. In all of this, I have found steadiness in God. He is my home. I have learned that deeply in the hidden places of my heart. While my life moves blearily, like the view out of the window of a moving car, I am teary eyed at how at home I am in the heart of my good, good Father.
So, here in this season, I am finding the space to freely discover. To laugh in the library and cry on the floor. In this freedom, I am dancing in the spirit; I am eating of the fruit of my salvation and receiving of the Holy Spirit, communing with him constantly. In the grace, beauty, and fruit of my community, I am learning to open up even more, and finding the absolute deepest delight. Some days, It’s hard to want to stay here. Some days, It’s a challenge to know where to step my feet and trust the callings and convictions of the truth. Some days, I just want to get on a plane or bus or piki piki or a motorcycle because I’m not really in the mood to burry my face in books or be surrounded by the sea of neatly put together and beautifully coupled college students with engagement rings. Yet, I am content here. I don’t want to be anywhere and everywhere else in a way that is all-consuming or overpowering. I’m really ok here. I’m doing well and I’m learning about abiding in the love of my well-pleased, delighted, all-knowing, kind, Creator King.
I am learning to abide.
Again, this isn’t the race. Evidently, it’s something completely different, but I haven’t stopped calling my heart to believe and my soul to agree, that God’s timing is perfect, and that by His grace alone, I am exactly where I am. When my life felt like it crashed before me, and suddenly the plans I’d made were all gone. My loosely woven, young adult agenda was shredded and my future, a white washed canvas towered before me. What I thought was going to paint the next season of my life, vanished, and I had to remember that the paintbrush never left the hands of my artist and creator.
And one more thing to add, I get to SUPPORT my wonderful, world-changing brothers and sisters who are scattered around the world. It’s been such a beautiful journey getting to pray for them and support them from the states. Getting to talk to them here and there and get updates on ministry, relationships they are building around the world, team dynamics, and personal spiritual growth is an HONOR. They are walking in the Lord’s calling over their lives right now miraculously and supernaturally changing the spiritual climates around them. I think that too often we forget, that in the Body of Christ, being a support in sending missionaries out is equally as important as going. Yeah, that’s a little hard to grasp, but we all have different seasons. Our growth is on God’s schedule, not ours. There is so much pure and unrestrained joy in being someone my friends who are far away can count on. As their friends from high school and college move on, and thier family dynamics at home adjust without them, I get to be someone who gets it. I am one they can count on for prayer and a listening ear. AND they are still encouraging me from Costa Rica and Cambodia and Swaziland!!! I am encouraged by their faith.
A M E N.
As my people, please pray for me.
As I begin to fundraise again, and continue to grow, pray for me.
The reality is, sometimes it’s still really hard not being there. But, God’s got me. I know He does.
My heart beats for Him, and Him alone.
be encouraged. go out, in love and in joy. all you people of God.
-brooke
((you can still monetarily donate for my race by using the donate button above, and for more consistent updates on my life, not necessarily all about the race, follow my instagram @Brooke_nantz))
