training camp. man ‘o man.
I did eat crickets for breakfast one of the days, but what God did was FAR CRAZIER. walking out of training camp, I will never be the same.
my life is changed forever. radically changed. this might be a long one.
Since coming to training camp, I have become viciously hungry for the Word of God. For exactly what it is. no bounds of how I should read it, but simply letting in come alive before me. every morning of training camp, I got up at 6:30 am, got dressed, and crawled out of my tent to spend time with the Lord and study the word with my teammates at 7:30. what I read in the morning came to life in the day and brought further freedom and understanding when night came. The words I read in the morning allowed me to receive words and pictures of elaboration that I then got to speak over specific people all throughout the day. My need for the word is deeper than deep now, and I came to training camp with fresh eyes. the Father blessed me with this beauty of feeling like I’d never read these passages before.
Every single day, a boldness in me came to life that I never imagined possible. I realized this specifically on the night we learned about healings and was seen even more wildly the next morning on the fitness hike. we learned about healing from wise teachers and then we asked who needed healing. for the first time in my life, I prayed with unafraid authority. and guess what. I watched one of my squamates be healed as I placed my hands on her feet. what a feeling. I’m simply a nineteen year old who loves Jesus with every piece of my being. and the words of the Bible took to life right before my eyes. that right there is life altering.
the next morning, I got up nice and early to pack up my entire livelihood for the hike. 2.2 miles in a maximum of 23 minutes. with 35 pounds on my back. that same morning, our team found out that Emily, one of 7 of us, was being called home. she was leaving later that day. I grieved and cried and cried and cried. Emily’s love and presence are irreplaceable and full of the Father. She loves softly and is so surrendered to the Lord it makes me want more of Him. I began that hike with some oatmeal in my stomach and tears rolling down my cheeks. But the Holy Spirit came. he really, really came.
that hike was one of the most powerful pieces of training camp for me. the boldness to speak scripture aloud and less prayers flow out of my endlessly and honestly came from Him alone. we needed to begin and end this hike with the whole team. and it was hard. crazy difficult. but that’s when I called my flesh to die. I spoke over my team that we would only bow to truth and lies would be put to death. If we let the lie “I’m not good enough” speak to us, then we would end up giving up. again and again, I verbally spoke truths, “I will not doubt you, Lord.” “I will not be ashamed.” as I trekked and ran through the rocky trails of Georgia. I wouldn’t allow my teammates to give up. And when A sliver of doubt enetered me and my calves were burning, Kayla grabbed my hand and loved me too much to let me stop. on the trails, we called upon the Holy Spirit. pain and soreness were removed from our bodies at our request to God. and when the guys were done, they ran the end with us. all 40 of us finished. the whole squad. even in my morning of grief, God gave me the strength, not only to push through, but be a driving force of encouragement to those around me.
another one of the most impactful pieces of the experience were the things spoken over me after I shared my testimony. I believe testimonies are some of the most powerful ways to bring people to Christ, but there’s always been a significant amount of shame and fear and guilt wrapped up in mine. I don’t love acknowledging my pain and mistakes, Let alone telling people about them. I don’t want to be labeled as less than or broken or faulty. that’s shame and that’s fear of man. but after telling my testimony from start to finish, everything included, and telling people about where I struggle, the Lord plucked the fear of vulnerability out of me, one conversation at a time. it’s such a beautiful freedom to no longer fear complete honesty. the walls I built up around my heart and my true self finally had to go. and after I Let God do that, it was prophesied over me that my testimony will be told in many nations and lead people into their own intimate love for the Lord.
the body of Christ encouraged and edified me again and again and again. every single day. it was miraculously uplifting. the gifting and fruits and the pieces of Jesus people called out in me were extraordinary. and it was equally extraordinary to ask God what he saw in those around me and get to share it through words of knowledge, prophetic words and pictures, and encouragement. It has been true honor to love the people around me for the past 2 weeks. I see so much in these young people. patience, grace, freedom, wisdom, discernment, joy, influence, determination, compassion, resilience, passion, attentiveness, readiness to grow, and commitment. and so much crazy wild spontaneous silly FUN. I watched the body care for me on my hard days. generously give me time and grace.
one particular day was an extra hard one for me. I don’t hide the fact that I struggle with anxiety, but I also don’t love to let people see it. its a type of vulnerability that has always been one step too deep for me. this one night we were in worship and I had a panic attack. I was shaking and having a hard time breathing and crying all at the same time. and I asked my friend Eliza to pray over me. I don’t even know her all that well but her presence is so safe and gentle and you can feel it from a mile away. The Lord asked me to receive in that moment. And in my heart, I know he could have healed me right then, but for heavenly reasons, I have to wait for that healing. She sat with me until my body stilled. which was kind of a long time. but her hand stayed put on my back as she prayed over me, until it stopped. What a beautiful picture of generosity and compassion. you genuinely do not have to look far to find people that are hurting. and in that moment, I was.
While there were hard moments like the one that took place, the great majority of training camp was joy and worship. worship was the thing I was looking forward to the most. my expectations were exceeded. it was so beautiful to see the ways the Father spoke to me during worship and put people on my heart to hug and pray for. he gave me pictures about my life and his love. and he met me in times of need. it was also a time of radical celebration of dancing and celebrating what God did that day and how the Holy Spirit moved. One day before a teaching session the Lord brought the song ‘New Wine’ to mind. the lyrics are “in the crushing, in the pressing, you are making new wine. in the soil now I surrender, you are breaking new ground.” He spoke to me about the stretching and pressing he’s been doing in my spirit. He spoke to me then, saying, “without the new wine, we can’t have communion.” that is the significance of the new wine. and only he can bless the seeds that are planted down in the soil. we can’t just muster up enough strength, courage, healing, and confidence to make ourselves grow. but instead, we have to surrender to the process. one of my best friends named grace told me that the process is the promise. she’s right. pictures and words came up like this day after day. too many to count.
the last thing of many that I will mention is the last night of training camp. I got baptized. Hesitantly, because I’ve been baptized before, but In muddy pool water in front of my new family I did! And two of the sweetest girls and friends I know got to baptize me. My leaders and sisters, Moriah and Grace, you have loved me so well. I will never forget the day you baptized me. That day, I publicly declared that there is no more hidden parts or shame or fear. I’ve taken authority and chosen authenticity before God. I was very hesitant to tell the Lord yes when he asked me to get baptized because I’ve already been baptized. But, throughout the past two weeks, I’ve surrendered hidden pieces of my heart that had walls of shame and fear built around them. There’s always been a stopping point of what emotion and rawness that I can let happen, even before the Lord. and now they are no more. Jesus took them crashing down and opened me up completely. And in worship afterwards, I was jumping and dancing and singing and crying because I could physically feel the freedom he’s walked me deeper into. It feels like it got scooped out of me. No more shame. No more fear or guilt. No more hiding. I am freer than I ever have been. And that baptism was a marking representation of what God did in these 10 days.
I have never experienced such a beauty and unity in the body of Christ in my entire life. For the first time ever, I feel like I actually belong. I contribute. I can love freely and be loved freely. B squad, you are my family and I will be blessed by my relationships with each of the 40 of you for a long time to come. thank you for everything. My best friends are on this squad. I can’t wait to see all Jesus does in you and through you. You are changing eternity for people already. this is the Church.
Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus.
for the thunderstorm displacement nights. the soggy tents. the wild dance parties. the pouring rain to dance in. the Indian food. the crickets to eat. the expired but caffeine filled coffee. the leadership. the fun team builders. the people. the dirty clothes and muddy puddles. the bucket showers and port-a-potties. for the hard things. for the earth. the word of God. for love.
believe it or not, this is not even half of what happened at training camp. sorry this was long, but I pray you were encouraged. You are loved by the king of kings.
-Brooke
