Before coming on the Race, I was in a pretty serious relationship with a guy I thought I would marry.
Between training camp in July and when we launched for the Race in September, this boyfriend and I decided to “take a break” for the time being while I was on the Race.
One night, during a worship time at launch, God very clearly told me to “let go of that relationship and pursue Him this year, and He will bless me”.
I felt so scared.
I wasn’t ready to do that at all.
But I prayed, “God, if that was really from you, will you please have someone lay their hands on me?” Within seconds, 2 different people had their hands on me.
Of course, I started crying and knew that what God had told me, was real.
To be honest, that relationship was not something I was ready to let go of at all.
But I thought that once I was actually on the World Race, things from home, including this past relationship, would seem unimportant.
But that isn’t the case at all.
The whole first part of Guatemala, I found it impossible to forget about this guy. I wanted to talk to him all the time. Sometimes I even found myself regretting coming on the Race, because maybe if I hadn’t, things with him would be different.
In my 3rd month of Guatemala, I found out that he was dating someone else. I was shocked, heartbroken, lost and confused.
I felt so broken.
Months 4-6 in Thailand were busy months and I tried to just forget about him. I had an incredible time in Thailand! And I grew in my desire for my true love.
Now I’m in Zambia, Africa on my last leg of this “Race”.
God is teaching me so much here, I can barely explain it!
He has given me a desire to know Him more than I ever have before. He has given me a desire to know TRUTH. To know what it really means to be loved.
The love we can experience from an earthly relationship is so small in comparison to His incredible love.
His love is far from temporary, it is eternal.
His love doesn’t come and go, it is steadfast.
His love isn’t selfish, it’s completely selfless.
His love for me isn’t always what I think I want, but it is always what I need!
I realize now that my worth has absolutely nothing to do with love or affirmation from earthly relationships, even family or friends, but solely in the LORD and what He thinks of me!
I am so in love with my Father. I crave spending time in his Word for hours a day.
Often, as humans, we act like we can just use God when we want him in our lives, but it’s far from that.
I no longer want to live my life knowing Christ, but I want to live my life FOR Him, with Him.
I will never be enough. But thats the beauty of Him. He just wants me. He loves me. I don’t have to do anything but desire him.
I love him. I actually get giddy and excited talking about Him. He is that amazing! It isn’t a love we can even begin to feel from earthly relationships, it’s a love solely from Him.
Man, am I thankful.
I know realize that even if I am single for my whole life, I will be complete. And loved. And cherished. More than I would ever be from a boyfriend or husband.
I battled for weeks about whether or not to share this blog, because I felt weird about my ex boyfriend ever reading this.
But it’s honest and true. And if it encourages one single person to realize the Fathers unconditional love for us, then it’s worth it.
Love to all reading!
XO
