THIS IS THE WAY! WALK IN IT!
Why did you stop listening for my whisper? I think that’s what God would ask you with Isaiah 30:21 in mind. Allow me to tell you my bugly/ugiful story and fast forward to my year from Heal. On November 18, 2007 I said YES to live out YES. “Huh?” Don’t check out, but lean in closer instead. I said YES to living on mission with Him and FOR Him. ON MAP ON MISSION no matter my soil, the mission the same. I said YES before His ask. So in 2007 I said YES to World Race. ….and till He says no, I’M STILL GOING. That requires a second read as soon you will see, and begin to doubt me. …and till He says no, I’M STILL GOING!.
My year from Heal, began when my best friend came back into my life and later said to me, “I believe the judge sensed hostility in your voice, so I can’t have you in my life.” AND she’s right, she can’t. I healed FROM her. Next up to bat, my neighbors who treat me like a leper, untouchable. AND I am, as one who fears the Lord ought not fear anything or anyone else. Following them, my church stopped believing me, bought into lies, and told me to step down. AND they must, because how else can God use me to spread out if I don’t first step down? I held the wrong baby. I held and prayed Luke 2:52 over the baby of a woman who spread rumors throughout my church, starting in her small group, that I was crazy, I stalk families, and told women they should be very cautious ever having their children around me. Don’t ask for details, as I have never stopped loving her and later healed FROM her. God elevated me in that and I healed FROM them. I am not allowed to serve in that church till I see a counselor and that third party tells them I’m ready to return…but no worries they would pay for it. No thank you, the Holy Spirit is my counselor. No longer my HOME, I still return to visit my family. I am in search of a church, a place not to just attend, but serve.
Fast forward to this Thursday 11/6/14, one woman thought she summed up my whole career in a matter of TEN minutes. My boss called me a liar, in her actions stating that I did not do my number talk on that Wednesday and never taught math because she would know after peeking in our rooms, but only once in 3 months stepping in. Who does that? She said, “Ms. Leffelman there is no room for creativity in your classroom.” AND she was right…so I left it. I stepped down to spread out. Thank you Lindsay, for that truth. AND I’m still going till He says no. I resigned on Thursday. I Brooke Renee Leffelman resigned at 32. But the story doesn’t end there. I was honored to be the sacrificial lamb for my work fam. I had inexplicable peace in the awareness of His lead before I even reached my classroom. I was out the same day, my personal belongings in hand. Women stopped by to offer to drive me, gave me their contact info, and one to simply say, “I admire YOU!” My AP came to tell me that he thinks I’m a spectacular woman and a wonderful teacher, reminding me that my life is already planned. AND he’s right. God has planned His work and is working His plan. Another AP stopped by with tears forming in her eyes, and asked me with hand motions and words if I could already feel the weight lifted from my shoulders. If she can see it, why play a role in it. A male teacher caught me in the halls and upon hearing the news told me that I am an inspiration and thanked me profusely for my service to the kids.
Everyone was shocked, and I crumbled in the privacy of my classroom. The tears were for my family I’d leave behind and the fields I had prayed for and poured into. I wasn’t thinking, He was leading me…yet another ugly vehicle He used/He allowed, to elevate me to something more. So I am unemployed, and soon to be homeless. Why wait to be address-less in July? Why not practice it? I find the humor in EVERYTHING 🙂 When you resign you are sent an exit survey, but THIS woman was called to LIVE SENT. As a wise woman in my story once said, and I quote, “I have never been so vaguely micro-managed in my life.” You see, now I can be in a POSITIVE environment every day, and no longer just BE the positive in the environment. And I pray my family will soon be able to say the same. Hold fast, change is on it’s way! My grade level is struggling, as they already miss me terribly and reach out often, but I haven’t left them.
So lets pick up in a different place in my story. How about TODAY? Well, peace followed me down the halls on Day 1. An endless smile took up residence on my face on Day 2., cherished and light-footed. Day 3. brought an awareness that I no longer had headaches because I was no longer living in mold. My right shoulder no longer carried pain, and I could bend my right foot to the left and not wince. See the theme? NO LONGER! I no longer have to be confined and produce for the purpose of display, anchor charts, lesson plans etc. TKES is in the past, and I am trusted in what I do. I have healed from those walls. Thankful for my year from Heal. On Day 3. I worked as an advocate for Compassion at the Casting Crowns concert, the same day I was for the first time, no longer a sponsor. I had to stop supporting 7 causes, and lost my 5 children…but just maybe you’ll want a season with them. God reminded me in that moment that I lost my sponsorship, but hadn’t lost my voice. I am STILL an advocate for Compassion International. He didn’t need my money, just my YES. So as I write, I am still unemployed, I own a house, rent an apartment, leased a car etc. AND still I am going till He says no. My unwavering faith contagious…so don’t get too close. I boast not in myself, but He who is greater in me. I’ve given up in everything along my story, but never on Him. I gave up in piano, basketball, softball etc.
I’m truly not worried about God’s provision for World Race. I mean, I need $2,200 just to move out…and I don’t see Him trembling. I need $18,000 by June 2015, and He doesn’t even make a face. God is using PEOPLE not WALLS to send me. He’s receiving your YES and reminding you that you are blessed and highly favored. On my first day searching for a job I FIRST came across a family, a teacher’s children in need of a nanny from Cherokee County, living across my train tracks. A mother’s helper if you will. A babysitter if you must. At first I read her schedule as $900 a week and I was thrilled. In fine print $300 is what we can afford. So I offered $500 believing grace fills the gaps. Standing in my church lobby God said to give her my YES and trust He has this and He has me…through a sweet friend pouring her story into mine. So just as I was about to accept it, I got a call to get my parent’s house show ready for a realtor, so laughingly I did. I am breaking my lease and moving in with my family NOT TO BE SERVED, BUT TO SERVE…because ministry has priority in the home, before fruit can come out it. Not to have a nest egg, but giving my parents the gift of their oldest bird returning to the nest. But when they move, I will be homeless, and turn to my HOME…so I trust God will ready your YES.
Day 4. has brought about a closeness to my Savior, a new and raw reality found within the songs we sing. That smile has not left me, and I feel like I just spent 2 hours preaching His sermon to His daughter in the lobby of walls that do not want me. But had I not gone I would have missed the opportunity to deliver a smile to my neighbors locking eyes with each, allowing my family to see a new light in mine…as Aladdin’s “Whole New World” plays in my head. No joke, it does. In one weekend I got to serve the same cause as one who wronged me, smile at two, and tell my story to you. It’s not ugly, it’s bugly/ugiful…and don’t you forget it!
I’m excited for what’s next. I’m applying to be a newborn photographer with Mom365 on the weekends, going into hospitals, I’ve delivered my YES to a teacher in need of a nanny, and now I wait. I get to go back to my love of tutoring and the relationships that form through ratio. AND that ring you see pictured above as the beautiful in the mess, is engraved with words I am STILL living, ON MAP ON MISSION. He had me at 18, my YES on 11/18…and I just sent a message to this teacher in need, glancing at the clock as it read 3:18. OFCOURSEWHYNOTTHATHAPPENS…is mine to live. My e-mail a mere reminder, 4 words tell my story, AND THEN HE MOVED. Feel free to check in on me, but know this…my smile hasn’t left, and my God has this. But if you hear nothing else, don’t hear what I’m not saying and tune in for I’M STILL GOING till He says no. My own family, at this time, doesn’t even know I’ve resigned.
Lord,
Thank you for this time of solitude, to disconnect and just BE. Thank you for calling me out and up to the more you have in mind. For taking the attack of Satan upon your daughter, and allowing it to draw her close. YOU are my everything, and my life isn’t falling apart…BUT FALLING INTO PLACE 🙂 I love you LORD! …and let the phone start ringing, and the comments start dinging. Still I will hear that whisper, “THIS IS THE WAY! WALK IN IT!”
