I’m Not Going To Be A Missionary
How many different ways can you read this statement?
Emphasis on I’m (I’M not going to be a missionary) would tell you that this is a task, a lifestyle set apart for someone other than THIS girl, and it probably would carry a bit of attitude or howdareyouness.
Emphasis on Not (I’m NOT going to be a missionary) would tell you I’m quite adamant that this is not my calling and I’m taking a stand, with no room to waver or be convinced otherwise.
Emphasis on Going (I’m not GOING to be a missionary) would insist that it’s not my purpose of leaving where I am to go where they are.
…and the list of emphasis would go on.
It matters how you listen. It matters that you listen. It matters that you lean in and don’t dismiss it.
I am not GOING TO BE a missionary…I already am. This is not a becoming, like a thing you do, or a degree you get. Too often I write it, you read it, or you hear it come across as though this is a destination. I Brooke Renee Leffelman am going to become a missionary. Are you kidding me? Let me let you in on a little secret. You’re on the list. He signed you up. You got the part. He’s cast your role. You are valuable in His eyes and He doesn’t want you to miss out. BUT He needs to be LORD over EVERYTHING (yes, even _____). I am called to Live SENT; a vocation I can’t overlook. You can be sent to work, to your husband, your children, your neighborhood, or even foreign soil. Scattered with a purpose, people…own it 🙂
For 18 years. Maybe that’s not enough emphasis. Here, let’s try this again. For EIGHTEEN YEARS He relentlessly pursued me with His love, and no longer would I miss out on His mission…because He won me over. In that moment, I became a sponge. I didn’t know at the time that His word was the sword of the Spirit but I wanted to know it and I wanted His kids to know it too. I mean really, I just learned Christmas, Easter, Jesus, and God had connections, family connections…related if you will. I became passionate about God’s kids knowing God. MO Kids making disciples of all nations.
So what did I do? I DOVE. I dove head first into middle school ministry, and high school ministry where I had the honor of showing them my life as proof of His love. I listened….boy did I do a lot of listening. Don’t act like you have it all together around middle schoolers searching for identity and someone to identify with. If you haven’t done life with this age, you’re missing out on better than soap opera kind of stuff that comes with an aroma saying there’s so much room for growth. I didn’t walk in with the answers. I walked the answer. I walked Jesus. Sometimes I think he fell off in the middle of traffic, as if I were Tinker Bell, and had lost me for a moment, but that was my goal. To walk in His love, His sacrifice…and just show up in their lives. Ever mention the word “Dad” in the company of 18 and below? Try it, they cry and the door swings wide. I had the honor of talking to young women about their value in His eyes and His plans for their life. Oh, that we as a adults would enroll ourselves in that class. At camp I facilitated praying with young women as they accepted a Jesus, the Jesus who would wreck their lives for the better. I was baptized in the ocean at Panama City Beach and my pastor called out asking for more women pastors to come baptize the kids…so I did. Me a pastor? Was I worthy of such a title? Either way I didn’t hear my pastor but my Father in Heaven that day, and I walked in it. Some of the women I leaned into, and was a student of, still contact me to meet up and share how God is using them. Each ONE child I prayed with has a circle of influence of her own, now able to influence others for Jesus in the eyes of ONE…leading to the ripple effect of God’s kids knowing God. MO Kids making disciples of all nations.
I was standing in a Christian Conference called Main Event and closed my eyes to see God showing me the nations. I was ready to jump on a boat with Operation Mobilization, but God said no. I was standing at a Christian concert called Sunshine Fest and the face of a little girl in Honduras locked eyes with mine. I became an advocate for Compassion International, but more importantly I began to build a relationship that led her to Christ and thus placed ONE more child in the path of ONE more person who would allow Jesus to be Lord and poured into 14 other kiddos in 15 years…leading to the ripple effect of God’s kids knowing God. MO Kids making disciples of all nations.
After I earned a degree in elementary education, my fields changed. Not my field (missionary) but fields. The workers are so few, and after 11 years I can see why. My classroom became my field, still passionate about God’s kids knowing God, but no longer able to initiate the conversation. So I listened for it, the door in the distance (a few desks away) opening. They would ask me if I knew Jesus, and I would say yes. They matched my love to my statement and smiled…now having a connection with their teacher. Now, don’t catch me on a Monday…cuz I think Jesus takes Mondays off. It was as if they were saying, “I see Him in you.” Parents would ask if I were in a relationship because I always seemed so happy to them, and beautiful (apparently ingredients for marriage). Instead of saying no, I got to share with them how I spend my time and they would have that look or say those words, “I knew there was something special about you. I knew you taught more than what’s on paper.” I brought me into the classroom, and the Jesus who I was striving to walk. I would pray over my fields before the kids came in, and not dismiss them when the book they brought to read carried the title of Bible on the front. When devastation took place or it was simply a holiday being celebrated, my students would write my Compassion kids, and replace the word pray with hope. In my book my students were praying for God’s kids. Many of my students who are now not just growing up in church but in Christ, have found me. For every ONE child I had a God-centered conversation with another ONE child would in turn be impacted bringing the Kingdom of God….leading to the ripple effect of God’s kids knowing God. MO Kids making disciples of all nations.
Entering into prison ministry and later ministering to prostitutes and drug dealers on the street my field didn’t change, just my fields. Talk about a sense of urgency. But instead of sitting in a room full of despair and counting the bricks (they literally did) I would encourage them to look around them at the nations and join God in His mission. In two weeks meeting with me, one of my girls began to lead a Bible Study for the women, and later started what she called Poverty Day where she would divide her commissary, I was able to provide with His money, with a woman who had nobody on the outside stepping in. They would ask her why and she would tell them. God wants all to bring themselves to Him and thus their worship. She was soon able to say, “Follow me as I follow Christ.” With that ONE woman came opportunities for her to speak into ONE woman who now can operate in and out of her role on her soil…leading to the ripple effect of God’s kids knowing God. MO Kids making disciples of all nations.
Inside of the church, I don’t want the stage. I don’t care to be seen. I want a small room with babies still dependent upon their mothers, to find their way to my arms. I hold them and pray Luke 2:52 over them. I talk to them about how much Jesus loves them, and how I pray they come to know Christ early on to join Him in His mission. I pray they would stoop like Jesus and be men and women servants, instead of climbing ladders in life. Each ONE child I hold I want to grow up in wisdom and stature and with favor of God and man, so they may bring ONE person’s worship to the ONE God worthy of it all…leading to God’s kids knowing God. And now you know why MO Kids is more than just a church t-shirt for volunteers working with kids, but a life statement, a passion I walk in. Oh that MO Kids would come to know the God who delights in them. Then and only then would they find they are children of God…a child of the one true King. How cool that God gave me a tangible symbol through Momentum of an intangible desire I carry. Momentum Church is WITH YOU ON THE JOURNEY…and I wear that.
Today, I am 33. I am unworthy and yet He loves me still. I am a missionary. Believe it or not missionaries get bored, need prayer, watch TV at times, mess up, have debts, and don’t always produce fruit with their lips. They build things that fall, and have plans that fail….but at the end of the day they are passionate about God’s kids knowing God. He wants my worship and He wants my yes. Most days He has both, but I am not perfect. I’m a missionary because our God is a missionary God. I want to bring the Kingdom to Earth. Helping communities while spreading the gospel is like a dream come true. I don’t need plane tickets, or your money, but He wants both FOR me. I’m going on World Race and I leave in 71 days! I want to bring the NAKED Bible to the nations, not the filtered through denomination one. I want to tell them what Jesus said, and what God says about them. I’ve had the honor of taking a Perspectives on Global Missions class this year and have been schooled on a lot, feeling like a Freshman most Mondays. THIS is God’s mission. I can’t be all things to all people, but I can try to walk the Jesus who died for all people and love the God who spoke all into place. I’ve learned to stop and just rest in the finished work of Christ. To hold my Bible for a minute and while not allowing myself to open it, learn to re-yearn for it. I try to walk into conversations as a student and not a teacher. To enter a classroom eager to learn, and though you can’t tell it from my writing, listen more than I speak. I am not GOING TO BE a missionary!!!
How then can they call on the ONE they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the ONE of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?” Romans 10:14
I am a teacher, but I am also a student for life, and if that makes me a preacher…SO BE IT 🙂
I smile to think of the circles (sometimes just through letter writing) I’ve been sent to over the years to join God in His mission. IA, GA, Orchard Hill Church, 12Stone Church, Revolution Church, Momentum Church, Atlanta Dream Center, Honduras, Kenya, Dominican Republic, Haiti, Thailand, Ecuador, Tanzania, Brazil, Ethiopia, Fort Daniel Elementary, McKendree Elementary, Dunleith Elementary, University of Northern Iowa, Brenwood Academy, Huntington Learning Center, Gwinnett Regional Youth Detention Center, Phillips State Prison, Newton County Jail, Lee Arrendale State Prison etc. And now I’m being sent to India, Nepal, Cambodia, Thailand, Malaysia, Botswana, Swaziland, South Africa, Dominican Republic, Haiti, and Jamaica.
I’m not GOING TO BE a missionary!
