As I look back on where I was at just a year ago I’m amazed at how much Jesus has changed my life for the better. I was just asking my friend the other day if there was ever a time she wasn’t fully following Jesus and she said she doesn’t think so. I think that’s absolutely incredible and such a blessing for her. I wish I could say the same thing for myself. Although there’s been a time in my life that I wasn’t all in for Jesus, there’s never been a point in my life that I haven’t believed in God. The hardest time for me was when I believed in God but didn’t want to fully follow him. I didn’t want to go in depth with him, but if something wasn’t going my way I’d go directly to him being so angry and thinking his plan for me wasn’t what was best for me.
I think when you are wanting to desire Jesus but at the same time want the desires of earthly things just as much as him you can be very confused on what his plan is for you, and in return it gives you a skewed image of him. Last year I thought God was boring compared to partying, people, etc. but in reality that stuff wasn’t fulfilling my life at all. On the weekends I’d be drinking for a few hours one night and had this high that only lasted for a few hours. The next day I’d wake up feeling like something was missing in my life and didn’t feel whole. Finally I realized that I wanted God and only him because I knew he was the only one that could satisfy my soul. I no longer wanted to keep putting earthly things above him but wanted him to be my one true desire. My life has been miraculously changed ever since I’ve come to know this beautiful truth. People think God is boring and I totally get where they’re coming from because I used to think that as well, but since knowing what he’s truly about I can say with full confidence that God will lead me on some insane adventures. I wouldn’t even be doing The World Race if it weren’t for him and believing in his goodness that his plans for me are far better than my own. Before I started following Jesus and things didn’t go the way I planned for them to I would get so upset and didn’t know how to handle trials that came my way. Now when hardships come my way they are much easier to take in, because I know I can cast all my burdens onto him.
God has made me completely whole again and it’s an incredible high that never goes away. I no longer feel as though I’m not good enough or not worthy for his love, but now that I know of what a gracious and merciful God he is I feel this joy I’ve never felt before and can put all my trust in him. As humans we just want to be loved on and as much as we want to believe we can obtain that from others we just can’t. God is the only one that will love us no matter what because he gives us an everlasting love. I know that’s a super cliche saying but the moment you truly believe it you no longer have to feel ashamed of what you’ve done, you’re doing, or will do in the future. Jesus didn’t just die on a cross and suffer all that pain for nothing, but he did it so we could live again without feeling bound to our sinful nature. Like it says in John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down ones life for ones friends.” He died for us without asking anything in return because he loves us that much. It’s an incomprehensible love that you can’t even put into words of how amazing it is. Yes of course we are going to sin all the time. I don’t think there is one day we don’t sin even if we try our best not to because no one is perfect. This just shows that we need him and we can’t do life without him, because he’s the one who made us and knows the true desires of our hearts. I belong to him and he is forever mine and I am forever his.
