I’m going to break down the remainder of month 3 and all that took place. I’m going to get pretty raw in this blog and vulnerable.
There’s this saying at the world race training camp that says “don’t be that racer that doesn’t give in until month 4” WHOOPS.. yep, guilty. I’ve shared a little about this battle I’ve been in against Satan and the lies I’ve fought with in the previous months. The good news about month 3 Malaysia, is EVERYTHING CAME TO THE LIGHT.
At the beginning of the month, where we stayed pretty much in a jungle, the lies intensified. It became so real in my head, old suicide thoughts began to linger in my head. It was so odd.. I knew I wanted to live, nothing in me didn’t and does not want to do that. My frustration with the Lord became loud because I didn’t understand how I could be in this battle while trying to serve him and do his work. Nothing made sense.
Fast forward to around the last weekend in Malaysia. INTERVENTION. My amazing team who I now consider family, brought 3 months of darkness to the light. They dug out some of the hardest roots I’ve had for years in me! And of course prayed over me. From that moment on, I have began this incredible journey to freedom. A new freedom that I honestly can’t explain.
This whole time I thought I was battling the Muslim culture trying to share the gospel, when in reality God was chiseling away at my heart to shed off all of my own darkness that drove a wedge between my team, friends, and myself with the Lord.
Is this what I thought I would struggle with when I signed up for the race? Lies, thoughts of my past? Arguments? Nope. My world race glass had been shattered in month 3 and I am beyond thankful for that!!
Since then, our team, the river dancers, have been able to go to such a more raw place of vulnerability that is safe. They even supported me when I had prayed about stepping down as a team leader. This crazy season has brought me to my own personal bottom that I actually, surpiselg enough, enjoy being in because God has answered a unique prayer of “Father, break me down. Build me up into your mold, not my own.” Be careful what you pray for, he always listens.
Two lessons I learned in month 3: nothing grows in darkness. Bring everything to the light. And second, as a racer, just submit to the process, be vulnerable right off the bat. Let people in, talk about where you’re at. Don’t wait until month 4. God really wants all of us as soon as we decide to abandon everything for his kingdom and step on a plane to another country.
Update on where I am now: like I said earlier, i am just in this new awesome journey with the Lord that I don’t think I’ve ever been in that is continuing to bring me so much freedom, i don’t even know what to do with it all. I can’t not wait to see what the next 7 months unfold!
Thank you all for reading, I have my very last deadline at the end of the month, if you feel led to give please click the donate button up above, or subscribe to my blogs to stay updated on all that God is doing in my life on the race!
