Fair warning to my fellow readers this topic might be similar to my other blog but this word has been stirring in my heart for awhile so I would like to share it. It dawned on me today that this question of “why?” has popped up in my head and from others so I think its time I attempt to answer this. This past October something impressed on my heart that i just couldn’t shake, it kept replaying over and over.
“Its time” Time for what? Funny thing was I knew exactly what that meant but I was in denial. Before I even could wrap my head around the fact that God was telling me it was time to apply to the world race, I had immediately put him in a box. This box of doubt, lack of trust, fear, and embarrassment.
- Doubt I wasn’t capable of going
- Not trusting this was even possible
- Fear of what people might think
- Embarrassed that if i actually went through with this, people would see my ugly at some point.
Within minutes, I became so selfish. I had completely missed what God was calling me to. Then it hit me, this note someone had wrote to me over a year ago. It read in interesting statement that said “Trust the Unknown to a Known God.” Once i replayed that over in my head I knew it was time. Time to apply, take God out of the box, trust the unknown to the known.
But one question still remained. Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this journey that doesn’t make sense to a lot of people including myself? Was I doing this to escape problems? Was I doing this just to see the world? Was I doing this just to go back to Thailand where I once left my heart behind?
Then today hit. I was in the middle of reading our homework for this week when God spoke to me why I am going. In this book called “Kingdom Journeys” the author states 3 points about why we go on “kingdom journeys”.
- Abandonment
- Brokenness
- Dependence
I am going on this journey to abandon myself. I am going to abandon my pride, my stubbornness and many other things. When you abandon the things of the flesh, God can move in to fill you up with things of the Spirit. I have a desire to have this. I want to leave behind the old ways of my flesh and find more of who I am.
I am going to be broken. On this journey I will see and experience things that will break me from the inside out. I will become broken for the broken. I will step into someone else shoes and feel their brokenness, see them as God sees them.
I am going to hit a survive and thrive mode. I will not be depending on my loved ones to help me make it through, I will not be depending on the things of this world to make it to the next day. I will not be depending on my own selfish desires to make me better. I am only depending on my own surrender to God to make me thrive. So in those moments where I will go probably weeks without cell or WiFi service, maybe a few days without a nice shower or who knows maybe longer, when I become uncomfortable and feel stretched, I will completely depend on my Father.
You might read this and ask “In order to do those 3 things, I must go on a really expensive mission trip and leave behind everything?” No not necessarily, but God calls each one of us out of our shell in one form or another, to go on some sort of “Kingdom Journey” with Him. He calls us find something bigger then ourselves, leave behind the people we care about most sometimes to figure out why we left them in the first place. I know for me, I am leaving the ones I care most about behind for a season because I still do not fully trust God with them.
So why am I going? I am going because He called, I am answering. But also to fall more in love with God that when I return, He will be the only one Ill dance with. I am going to trust the unknown to my known Father.
Thank you for reading, God bless!
