Family and friends have always been a struggle for me. They are probably 2 of the areas in my life I have had the most walls up over the years. Those two areas have been something I’ve had to constantly battle.
August 2016-training camp
My mindset”okay brooke, you know what to do, don’t make friends! this is not a season where you’ll make lifelong friends so don’t even try.”
October 2016-launch
I left the country with that same mindset.
Distant, closed off, hardened heart. That was me. I didn’t want to try to get close to anyone because of this bondage I was in which I fully thought I had discovered freedom from a few years prior.
Month 8 debrief
WRECKED. Haha love Jesus and how he breaks us down of our pride to rebuild us up in him.
It was like my whole mindset from the beginning of the race had shifted. I almost felt like the scene in the movie “the grinch” where they show the x Ray of the heart when it begins to grow.
It was like the Lord had been knocking all along all 8 months “HELLO BROOKE! let these people in I have them here for you for a reason! Knock knock anyone home?? Let them in!”
Yeah.. lessons from the Lord sometimes take me awhile to get.
Yes it’s been a process, but let’s be real what isn’t a “process” on the race. it’s never too late.
Since month 8 debrief, I have felt apart of this “M squad family” that is always mentioned. No longer this missing puzzle piece I told myself I was(lies). I felt like I belonged after all this time passing. My blind eyes were open to people the Lord has blessed me with in this amazing incredible season that I will never get back.
I could write a whole blog on all 33 of my squad mates about how great they are but that blog would be pretty long because they are all awesome.
Why am I writing this blog? Because if you are like me and you’ve struggled with being loved by other people I want you to know that it doesn’t always have to be a struggle. One of he hardest lessons I’ve learned on the race is it was understanding that I couldn’t let people love me they way they wanted to/that I needed to be loved because I didn’t know to love myself. That’s a hard reality to realize but once you realize that and allow the Lord to show you how to love yourself, others can c one along side you and love you sometimes even better then you can love yourself.
This is a shout out blog to my M squad family. It does not scare me anymore making friends, calling these guys family.
We fight for one another, we cry, we laugh, we argue, we disappoint, but we are all for the same God and that’s what draws us closer.
I am beyond thankful that my eyes have been open before we’ve hit the finish line and I can freely let them into my life without any fear.
These 33 people in my life for this season have poured out such an incredible amount of grace and love on me that I will never forget. To say these people are just friends wouldn’t be enough. They are my true brothers and sisters.
Don’t rob God of the blessings he puts in your life. Just accept them.
This is what I like to call an honor blog. Honor the good. Today I honor M squad. Fam thank you for these past 200 and something days. Hears to the last 49!
