Loneliness. That is the biggest struggle I have had since coming home from the Race. It is true that I have my wonderful family around me.
This loneliness is not so much for lack of people in general, though. It is a soul loneliness. A loneliness that comes after spending time and time with community and then finding yourself outside that community. It is a natural part of life. A change that has to happen.
How have I handled this loneliness? Honestly, I have not handled it well. There is something about this loneliness that sets up a crossroad. One way is the way of being alone and resentful. The other is being alone but allowing that loneliness to draw you back to Christ. I just read an article that awakened my soul to see where I had allowed myself to end up.
I’ve been in the doldrums spiritually. All this time I’ve had I could have been pouring myself and my heart out to God and allowing Him to walk with me, fill me, and use me. Instead I’ve allowed myself to shut down and make excuses about not having community.
I’m not okay with where I’m at. I’m not content; that’s good. This state of loneliness is okay as long as my attitude becomes one of seeking Christ and saying, “Jesus, become near, dearer, and sweeter to me than anyone or thing else on this earth.” I’m learning to make this my prayer.
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Dear Future Alumni Racer,
You may soon be stepping into a season of loneliness. Do not fear. The One that has been walking with you upon this journey will continue leading and holding you. Remember He is the one that says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5) When you are feeling most alone, tell Him. He will listen, and He will carry you. Let loneliness teach you to look at Jesus as you closest friend. Let Him become “nearer, dearer, and sweeter than any other.”
With Love,
Brooke (a “lonely” learner)
www.steppingheavenward-ellerslie.blogspot.com
