This month has been hard for me, I’ll admit. My emotions have been worn out. (please do not chalk it up to being a female, that is not the case). I’m not typically a highly emotional person, so I have been quite tired literally and tired of being emotional. Also my spiritual walk has been so dry. I could feel myself shutting down and drawing away from God. I’m not sure why, but I think my emotional state was a part of it. And being so distracted. It was a dark night of the soul for me.
After a few days of this, yesterday morning I made the decision to choose joy. I know I need God and more of His presence, but there also comes a point when you have to choose it. I was at that point and tired of the separation and dryness I was feeling. So I chose.
One thing we talked about during debrief is that our idea of rest doesn’t necessarily look like God’s. As I was writing in my journal the lines of the song Today, “Today I choose to follow You. Today I choose to give my yes to You,” one of the hostel workers came in and began asking me questions about my Bible reading. He asked how often I read my Bible, my favourite passage, what I thought of the life of Jesus, and who was more important-Jehovah or Jesus. That last one got me. Instead of getting to spend my morning reading my Bible, it was spent trying to explain the Trinity. But you know what, that’s okay. It’s not what I wanted but it was what God wanted. I have no idea if any of what I said made sense but I pray it brought a desire to know God more. I didn’t really get to talk about salvation, but I did get to share my thoughts on Jesus. Hopefully His love came through my words. Maybe, just maybe Carlos got a little taste of the Holy Spirit that will leave him desiring more. I may not have gotten what I wanted, but I’m reminded that Jesus Himself, when He was hungry, was filled by ministering- John 4:31-34.
God’s redemption came in the form of giving of myself. I didn’t have much to give. I was just coming out of the dark night, but God took that little and brought it into the morning light to reveal more.
Through Christ,
Brooke
Proverbs 31:12
