It has been 8 days since Training Camp ended, and though I haven’t been home yet to fully reflect and process all that happened, I can tell you, that God is amazing and my life was changed over those 10 days!
First let me tell you a bit about what it was like…Training camp was held at Adventures in Missions headquarters in Gainesville, Georgia. Around 250 young people gathered to go through camp together, all of us launching in January on our trips.
E-squad, consists of 41 amazing Racers, 3 awesome Squad Leaders, a wonderful mentor, 2 brilliant squad coaches (basically our WR mom and dad), our lovely mobilizer and a bunch of other fantastic people who formed part of our Training Team. (Let’s just say I was overwhelmed by the number of people who give their time, energy and lives to serve and train up more disciples to go out on this journey) I never thought it would be possible for 44+ people to become so close in just 10 days, but I can say with absolute certainty that these people are like family and I can’t wait to see the plans that God has for each and every one of us. During Training camp we were faced with a number of team building exercises and scenarios that brought us really close together (sometimes literally) these were a few of them:
Sleeping in our tents almost every night. Half our bags were ‘lost’ one night and we were forced to share tents/clothes.
Every meal had one platter on the table to be shared between 8 people.
Amazing praise and worship.
Hours of prayer and healing.
Early morning exercise sessions and our fitness hike.
Packing/Unpacking our tents and bags almost every day.
Late nights around the campfire and a ‘campout’ one night.
A 2 day Women’s Retreat, that stretched and challenged me in so many ways.
Squad wars (which we won) and dance parties.
Towards the end of training camp we were split into smaller teams. Below is a picture of Team Warriors of Peace…the incredible women I will be with every single day.
Now, I want to share with you what God did in my heart during Training Camp and how my life has been changed.
Story 1:-No longer Cinderella
After being sexually assaulted as a teenager I had a lot of doubts about God and His goodness (which I never wanted to admit) and I carried a lot of shame and guilt. Along the way I also began to see my sexuality as something that wasn’t as special or valuable as I had grown up believing, and I began to treat it that way. I began to believe that maybe it was the only way to find a guy who might be interested in me. But at the same time I carried guilt and shame that I wasn’t living my life the way God had intended. After sharing my story with a group of women on my squad one night, I decided to open up about it with God. I asked for His forgiveness and I told Him of all my shame and all my doubts. A few nights later, I was sitting in the session hall during worship when I saw the clearest vision and heard God’s voice more clearly than I ever have before.
I saw a vision of Cinderella (dirty and in rags) and I heard God say “You are not Cinderella anymore” and I saw myself dressed as a Princess and God saying “You are beautiful, pure, blameless, worthy, valuable and I LOVE YOU!” For the first time I believe in the deepest part of my soul that God is a good father and that He truly loves me.
Story 2:-Walking in Freedom
Early on in the week, one of my friend’s prayed for me against any feelings of isolation and against the devil playing on those insecurities. About a week later we had a time where we prayed for healing over each other. I shared with a small group of people from my squad how I am covered with scars because I have a terrible habit of picking bites and sores and making them worse. I told them that I didn’t want to hurt myself anymore and make more scars. As they prayed for me, deeper things came up that I hadn’t considered. Deeper scars and wounds that I hadn’t allowed God to heal yet, and how I am still struggling with fear and insecurities of not being accepted for who I truly am by those around me. As I sat in the middle of the circle my squadmates began to sing “You’re no longer a slave to fear, you are a child of God” over and over. I felt totally exposed and vulnerable, but at the same time totally loved and accepted.
But that wasn’t the end of it…on the second to last day of Training Camp, the enemy started playing on all these insecurities big time. I started feeling alone and isolated knowing I wouldn’t be at launch with my squad, I started feeling unworthy having not been selected to lead in any of the areas I had shown an interest. I started questioning if I was ready, if I was enough….I shared my feelings with one of our squad leaders that night and she told me she had a vision of me rolling down a hill like a little child. And that night I was completely finished, for the longest time I have felt judged for my personality – for being bubbly and energetic. I’ve often been called “loud, too talkative, busybody” etc. and I have always carried these negative labels. But throughout these 10 days, Jesus has kept showing me in different ways and through different people, that I am enough. I am perfectly made. I am worthy. I am loved. I am God’s child.
And joy is a gift of the Lord, one that I love to live in and share with others.
Training Camp was not what I was expecting, but it was so much more! It was just what God knew I needed. I can’t wait to grow closer to God, and my squad as we prepare to do the work He has prepared in advance for us to do.
I no longer hold guilt, shame or fear inside of me but I am walking in a new freedom and I am ready to go wherever He calls me.
