Nepal has left its mark on me.
I’d like to mean that in a sincere, heartwarming way, but in reality it’s more of a bruise. If you pushed too hard on the places where God used Nepal to change me, I might respond quickly and out of pain. That doesn’t mean it isn’t good in essence; it just means it was painful.
At the end of our first week in Kathmandu and after seemingly endless meetings and debriefs, Team Kaleidoscope weathered a serious blow: one of us left the Race to seek healing in a healthier environment than the Race. It’s the news that every team dreads.
As events surrounding his departure advanced, I was left questioning God: “How can I trust you with my friend at home, when I can’t even trust you with him here?” However, when the dust settled, it was clear that God’s hand had been in my teammate’s leaving the entire time, that it was all working for good, and I was left humbled and so thankful for a Father that knows so much better.
The five remaining members of Kaleido pulled together. Where the Enemy would have had this event tear us apart and sow seeds of distrust towards God, we came together stronger and all agreed that our trust in God and His faithfulness had only multiplied. The month was refining and hard in terms of growing in community, as it was All-Squad Month, but we were able to seek each other out. Ministry varied by the day, and we helped each other see the positives and resolved to love the ministry, no matter the outcome, as much as we loved the beautiful country of Nepal.
Nepal was a fire to Kaleidoscope, and it refined us.
But God had bigger plans for us. And by bigger plans, I mean plans to test that foundation of trust He’d built at the beginning of the month. On our last night in Nepal, He seemed asked us, “Do you trust me? Do you really trust me?”
We’d just come from a teeny-tiny taxi, trying to make it to a milkshake stand before it closed. It was a taxi ride to remember: we were crammed into the backseat with Meagan’s head scraping the ceiling, singing Taylor Swift obnoxiously for all in and out of the taxi to hear when we were abandoned in the middle of traffic as our driver literally got out, bought cigarettes and smoked them on the side of the road. But the Father is merciful and we totally made it to that heavenly milkshake stand, having decided to spend our extra team money on treating ourselves.
With the five milkshakes ordered and on the table, Jon delivered crushing news that immediately sobered the hilarity and smiles: our squad’s leadership team had decided to move him to another team for India (at the end of which, every team will have a potential change).
Immediate tears came; tears of anger, betrayal, hurt, and sadness. One of our best friends would not be with us in India. We’d thought we had another month before a team change; we had less than 10 hours. Naturally, we ordered another 5 milkshakes to cope.
In our debrief with leadership, we were told to pick a new team name. “You’re a new team,” they explained. “You’re not Kaleido anymore.” (Jon vommed up his milkshake during our debrief…I’m sure the two events are unrelated). Heartbroken, Kaleidoscope came to an “end” (#kaleidoforlyfe) for all technical purposes. Esther, Emily, Meagan and I wanted Jon to name us, and so we would be re-introduced to the rest of the squad the next day.
In the New Delhi airport, Jon told us the name he’d come up with.
“When plants are heliotropic,” he explained, “They grow in such a way that they are always seeking the sun. So they can grow through dark conditions, because they are growing towards the sun. That’s like you girls; you’re heliocentric, centered around the sun (Son).”
And during our introduction to the squad as Team Heliocentric, Jon explained the heart behind his naming of us to the squad (because not only are we cute, but he’s a dweeb and the only one who would come up with that/know how to explain it) and us four girls had big fatty tears in our eyes as he said, “Heliocentric is the way these girls have consistently chosen to live the last four months-finding the positive and Jesus in all of the various conditions and continuing to grow.”
So, Kaleido came out of Nepal looking a little different. We’re not lacking in anything, but we’re different. It hurt, but we’re going to keep our eyes on the Light.
Team Helio’s ministry is (supposedly) going to be preaching every night this month in a village. Are any of us comfortable with this? Nope. Have we done this before? Nope. But we’re rising to the challenge. We’re the smallest team now, a 4-person, all-girls team, and we had to re-say “yes” to this month of ministry that seems like a mountain (over plates of food from Chili’s…thank you Hyderabad). We know we have to be all in, all the time; tight with each other and tight with God.
This month lays ahead of me like a race that I know is going to bedifficult. To be more specific, it lays ahead of me like my first skate-style cross-countrying skiing race when I realized, for the first time, that I had 5 kilometers in front of me and barely knew how to steady myself on my skis during the downhill portions and didn’t even know if I could make it back up the hills of the trail. I was nervous and excited and really hoped I’d gotten all the nervous poops out of my system.
I’d never done a race like that before; I’ve never done a Race like this before. When I think of us, preaching every night on a rotating, 4-person basis, bringing Kingdom and teaching the Word of God, I get nervous- but then God reminds me that teaching His Word is an honor. He reminds me that I literally came on the Race to experience the growth He has for me outside of my comfort zone. Like, “Brittni-this is what you came for!” He reminds me that I literally wanted to go where my feet would falter and only His strength would be left worthy of praise.
I came to grow and be stretched, and I think India is going to do that. We’ll be bringing Kingdom and challenged in ways I can barely imagine, but the other 3 members of Helio will be right there with me. It feels like a new beginning, and I know God is going to do something new and beautiful in us. Because that’s what He does when He clears room for the new–He plants something that hasn’t been there before and grows it.
Whatever the reasons God has for Helio being together in India and not Kaleido, it will be good. It is new, and it is good. I will continue to speak that and believe it. I said “yes” to this month, “yes” to Team Helio, and “yes” to Jesus. The choice to say “yes” has never been removed; I think sometimes I’m just more aware of my need to consciously decide to choose in to this.
India, I say “yes” to you.
Thanks for reading! We will soon be leaving our India orientation and going to our new location- Nalgonda! If wifi allows, I’ll be updating you on Helio’s adventure from there!
