Wednesday, August 3rd hit me like a truck. A giant truck driven by good intentions but eventual procrastination.
I was flying through my apartment, having decided to start packing for the World Race a whole 6 hours before my flight to Atlanta, Georgia for World Race Launch. I also needed to deep clean my apartment and bedroom and move all of my belongings out, in addition to packing up my life for a year (10/10 do NOT recommend this game plan for future Racers).
An hour and a half before my flight I was sweaty, talking to my pack (“YOU FIT AT TRAINING CAMP YOU CAN FIT NOW”), and had no clue which totes held which belongings, but it was done. I ONLY accomplished this feat with the help of my two friends, Rachelle and Leesha, and my boyfriend Mitchell. My wonderful Juneau friends prayed me out and I went on one last walk with Mitchell as the rain that had fallen all day faded into a warm, sunny evening, making for a perfect last hour in Juneau.
I settled into my aisle seat and reflected on the past days. I had nothing but thankfulness for my Juneau season that I have decided to step out of in response to a call to more. I had a surprisingly sure sense of peace leaving each of my relationships with both friends and family. I mean, I hadn’t expected a breakdown or anything super dramatic, but I didn’t expect the depth of the peace I had. I didn’t cry when I said my last “see you soon” and looked at the last smiling Juneau face I would see for 11 months. The overwhelming sense in my spirit was one of God’s goodness—a reassurance that this year is a good thing (I know, this may seem obvious, but sometimes I’ve had to remind myself of that), and that I will be running a good Race with a good Father.
DUDE, THIS IS GOOD, I thought to myself, suddenly stoked. Goodness is so exciting.
My Father is good and for me, and because He is for me He is, graciously, not “for” my comfortability. I trust that He knows how much I love Juneau and my life there, and so I am willing to step away from them to run with Him for a little while. I am trusting the Lord with this year and so I am confident that what I said to Juneau and the love I have for it is not “goodbye,” but “see you later.”
During our final Launch session yesterday, I had a realization: I actually do have a “goodbye” to say. I had only one “goodbye” to say before this launch into the good unknown, and I hadn’t committed to saying it for good yet.
The speaker, Bill Swan, was talking about how the Kingdom of God “is in the midst” of us (Luke 17:21) and how the Spirit—God—is actually living inside of us. We have influence in the spiritual realm, and this is as real as the physical things we see. Maybe this is a basic message, but during worship before the session, I had just been thinking about how it’s the Spirit of God living in my heart—actually living there, first in my life—and not the people I love living there. I guess I’d kind of equated my “see you laters” to “you’ll be in my heart’s”, very Tarzan-style, and during worship I realized how erroneous that kind of thinking was. As great of a mental picture that may be, only One truly lives in me. That got me excited all over again, and I just wanted to shout “yes!” in all my spirit. So when Bill Swan started to talk about this same topic, I could only smile to myself and thank my Father.
And so, I do have a goodbye to say.
I’m saying a final goodbye to a fear. It simply can’t live where perfect Love lives; a Love that will always, relentlessly drive out fears of inadequacy, unpreparedness, and failure. I’m saying goodbye to any notion that I could ever do this on my own, that this Race was ever “mine” to begin with—I hold my hands up in surrender. Father, this year is Yours.
At a few Launch sessions, the difference between what is “fact” and what is “true” came up—and the realization that these words are not as synonymous as they may appear. My realization:
The facts are that I am one of like, 7 billion people on this planet. I’m another college graduate with no job. I’m another one of those Jesus followers.
The truth is that I am a fearfully and wonderfully made daughter of a King with a Kingdom that is coming-and that’s present tense, dude. I’m a daughter with a mission and a purpose, and whose struggle in this purpose is not against flesh and blood. That’s a reality.
The facts are that myself and 49 other young adults are making what our culture may see as an irresponsible decision to leave careers, families, significant others, and so much more. The fact is that we are going into a world where fear has driven out so much love.
But the truth is that Jesus has asked nothing short of abandonment from us. The truth is that the American Dream holds nothing for us, and that we will cast it off to run a Race that was set out for us before we even knew what REI was. The truth is that we are “A chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that [we] may proclaim the excellencies of him who called [us] out of darkness into his marvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9). We are sons and daughters with a purpose and influence in more than just the realm of flesh and blood—our mission is in the spiritual realm.
And so, I’m saying goodbye to any lingering hesitations in my spirit, and strive to walk in the confidence of a daughter that is empowered and walking with her Father. I will walk in the confidence that the Father has gifts for me to discover and seeds to plant, and so I am saying goodbye to every thought that the Spirit has nothing special for me.
Because the truth is, there are people that have never met K-Squad and our mighty, good Father—but we are empowered to GO and introduce them to His Kingdom and family.
K-Squad is launching today. Naturally, it’s on the day that Delta has a system outage and we’ve had delays on delays on delays, so our 30-hour travel day has steadily gained hours, but hey—we’re K-Squad, and I think that God has continually been teaching us about flexibility.
The truth is that God is living in and going with K-Squad to the nations. TODAY.
I’ve said my goodbye to fear and doubt, and “yes” to this adventure.
Thanks for reading! Make sure to subscribe to this blog if you want continued updates from the field. We will be doing a social media fast for the first 6 weeks of the race, but I will be able to update this blog on our off-days!
OH, ALSO: I have a major praise! I have met my September fundraising goal already—that leaves just approx. $4,000 to raise by the end of November! I continue to ask for your financial and prayerful support as I thank the Lord for all He is doing through you, me, and K-Squad! See you in AFRICA!
