I want to share a theme that God has been teaching me this month.
Rewind to Launch. “Launch” is what AIM refers to as the 3-4 days of training/preparation done in the US with your squad before flying into your first country of the World Race.
There started the battle of how much of my heart I was willing to give to God.
I, of course, was already physically surrendering my entire year to Him and following his leading to go on this World Race. Was that not enough?
For me, that part was easier than surrounding my entire heart, soul, and mind.
For a couple days I decided I wasn’t going to fully “give in” to God. I had reached a place of deeper connection with him during the week of Training Camp in October, but then stopped pursuing that when I went back home and got distracted, etc. Now, at Launch, I was faced with the opportunity to again, go deeper in my relationship with Him. I decided I didn’t want to put forth the effort and sacrifice if there was a chance I wouldn’t stick to it again… because what was the point?
I like efficiency and finished products. I have high standards for myself. And I don’t like to fail.
I felt like if I stayed in control of the situation and remained as I was, I would avoid failure. I decided to stay in my safe box and be happy with it.
But God kept pursuing me.
When I finally decided to sit down and try to reconcile all of my feelings, I felt like God speak to me with the song: “You’re a good, good, father… it’s who you are, and I am loved by you.”
Through that song, He made me realize that not fully giving into him was doubting the truth that he was a good God.
What I realized then has been a recurring theme for me this month. It will probably be a recurring theme for my year. And maybe the rest of my life. God is not safe, but He is good.
What feels “safe” to me is when I am in control. Safety for me is when I have my life planned out and have a solution for each situation I might encounter. It involves taking chances, but knowing I have a cushion for the fall. It means I am in control of my feelings and emotions. It means I am comfortable. And I’m really good and making a “safe” place for my heart. There aren’t many disappointments there. But is there joy? Is there life? How big can I dream from a dusty box?
So, again… God is not safe, but he is good.
He will stretch us. He will let us experience heartbreak. He will discipline us. He will make us uncomfortable so that we have no choice but to rely on Him. And those things to me are not “safe.”
But, he is good.
Breaking out of that box, taking chances, releasing control to the God who knows me better than I know myself is the only place there is life. That’s where I find my self-worth. That’s a place where my dreams can grow. That’s a place where I have the freedom to experience miracles. The freedom to hear his voice.
And it’s good. It’s so good.
It doesn’t require an 11 month mission trip.
Just a willing heart.
We can test Him and know that He is good.
This Narnia quote really hit home for me:
“Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion.” “Ooh” said Susan. “I’d thought he was a man. Is he quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion”…”Safe?” said Mr Beaver …”Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
“Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.” Psalm 34:8
