Just the other day I was talking with a friend who is a senior in high school. I was asking her about her year so far and how she felt being a senior, she told me it was good and she was enjoying it. I felt like there was more going on with her, so I asked her again about school and her friends. This time she opened up and shared how she had a lot of "friends" and people who knew her, but that she didn't really have any REAL good friends. She told me that she doesn't let people in and she doesn't want to get close to someone for fear of it being too hard to say good bye and leave at the end of the year.
WOW… Hearing this was so crazy for couple of reasons.
1. This perfectly described my high school years. I had friends who knew me but they weren't good ones. I didn't tell them about all the problems in my life with my family and going on inside me. They weren't there for me at all. I knew EXACTLY what she was talking about and what she was going through. I unlike her, ran away though, instead of sticking it out in school. I hated school so much I begged my parents to allow me to home school and they did.I though it would make things better and I thought I would be happier but It didn't fix anything, it simply made it easier for me to run away from everything which I did. I shared this with my friend and how I thought it was a good idea to leave school at the time but it SO wasn't…things could of been so different if I would have just given it up to God and listened to Him and pushed through.
2.When she told me about this it was like the Lord pointed a big fat arrow right at me. Running away and not letting people in is what I do… I'm very good at it. People leaving me both intentionallty and unintentially has been a theme in my life. I subconsciously build up walls and don't let people too close. I went to a christian internship for a year which was very healing and I dealt with a lot of this stuff, I learned to let people in again. When I came back home a year and half ago I was ready to try again and let people in my life. I start making friends, I got close to couple people I was so happy. Then, one day, one of them randomly dissapears out my life and I don't see her except for a couple random times. The other, God calls to go minister out of the country. I was hurt and frustrated with God and these situatuions. Again my walls came up. I stopped hanging out with the young adults group and shut a lot of people out. I was afraid of more people leaving me. Fast forward to just the other day and this converstation I'm having, I realize my attitude is still the same: walls up, still in fear of getting close to anyone again. I decided then it needed to STOP. I should be embracing these last couple months before I leave. I should be spending all my spare time with my family, friends, and my jr highers. So… this is what I'm going to do! Yes it might be hard to say goodbye or get close to someone and then have to leave, but I'm choosing to take that risk beacause it's worth it.Thank the Lord He cares enough to show me these things and help me change them. He redeems lost time. No regrets, just moving forward, fully embracing what the Lord has here and now! Every moment counts.
… Lets do this!
