Being in a community of so many people can be a bittersweet experience. At times, I am on cloud nine because I am surrounded with people who have similar beliefs and morals as me. They desire God to take the wheel of their lives and drive wherever He desires. However, sometimes I want to run and hide from everyone. Though we have similar morals, we are all very different. We like different music, we dress differently, and we have different ways of expressing ourselves. It can definitely be difficult at times. Despite our differences, I’ve really been asking the Lord how I should be showing my teammates love! How can I serve them!? How can I encourage them!? Not for one second did I think of how it would be on the opposite end.
This week I have been showing love to my teammates through letters of appreciation and encouragement; through compliments and positive feedback; through constructive feedback and having hard conversations with them. Some days, I served my squad their breakfast and lunch. I occasionally wash the team dishes. I don’t mind picking up snacks for other people when I’m at the store or sharing the snacks that I buy. I don’t mind rubbing their heads and making them feel better. I love each of them in a different way and I feel honored to serve them.
BUT
What happens when they want to serve me? I don’t know how to take a compliment properly. I don’t know how to accept gifts from people. Give them, yes, but get them, no. I don’t like people buying things for me or going out of their way to do something for me. Why, though? How can someone who gives so much not want to receive anything?
It’s a thing called PRIDE! I’m full of pride. I am not the type of person that will say I don’t have the money to do something. I will not ask for help even if I need it. I’ve been self sufficient for so long, I wouldn’t know where to start. In my mind, I thought I was doing okay spiritually. That I had few issues as a Christian. Not for one minute did I think I had a pride problem.
Now that I have noticed that I have this problem, I am currently trying to find ways to fix it. I have spent some time in prayer in order for the Lord to give me strength in this area. I find myself accepting gifts and things from squadmates and teammates. I find myself thinking before I say things and before acting. However, there is so much more the Lord wants to do in me.
I am sharing this with you, my family, so that you can be praying for me. So that you could lift me up in prayer in order that the Lord can fix this area of my life. I’m trying to practice humility. I’ve seen the error of my ways and have made it a point to become more receptive to feedback when I have wronged others. So if you receive a random apology letter or some weird word from me, that’s why. I love all of you guys. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog post! As I come to the end of my time here in the Dominican Republic I will be posting yet another blog. Have a blessed day, afternoon, or evening.
