Depression.
It‘s been a hot topic the last few years and the church has finally started acknowledging it’s an issue that exists within the church too.
So what does depression look like, particularly within a Christian life?
Depression might look like backsliding. Maybe open/secret addictions. Constant busyness and seeking to fill their time with activities and people. Maybe it’s an all too often shopping spree when you know they’re struggling financially. It’s a new haircut, a new tattoo, a new look. It’s buying all the self-help books in the church book shop and finding that same pile of books with the bookmarks only 3-20 pages into any one of them.
Depression is being extra bubbly and kind to strangers.
Depression is blaring the car stereo at 9am on a weekday in mild traffic.
Depression is missing doctors appointments, coffee dates, deadlines, get-togethers and parties… it’s being sick or injured all the time. It’s running late all the time. It’s constantly being in the gym, posting on social media or browsing articles and symptom checkers online. It’s always looking… always drowning things out.
Depression is a 1,000 yard stare at the dinner table in the middle of a conversation. It’s tears welling up in their eyes at traffic lights. It’s insomnia.
It’s volunteering at the church when they’re dog-tired and just want to get some rest. It’s shoving their needs down to get things done or withdrawing so hard from everything that the only thing that matters is their needs.
THE POINT IS… depression? It doesn‘t looks the same from person to person. Christians can and do suffer from depression. The apostles in the 1st century understood this, in 2 Corinthians 1:8b they said, “that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life.” Have you ever despaired of life? I know I have.
Here‘s the kicker: I STILL DO.
I am a Christian who has witnessed healings, been healed, travelled the world as a missionary, worked alongside giants in the faith, volunteered months of my life to a rough unpaid existence to serve alongside his people… and I still catch myself driving 60 mph in a 40 mph zone trying to outrun my stresses. I still battle my insomnia fed by the voices inside me that tell me there’s no hope. I tear up in the drive thru at Starbucks when I have a moment of stillness in my hectic life reminding me of how lonely I am and how desperately I just want to be held. I sometimes curl up sobbing on my shower floor, feeling unwanted and hopeless.
I did the missionary thing. I volunteer at the church. I attend regularly. I have mentors. I eat healthy. I workout. I socialize. I speak affirmations to myself and others. I seek self improvement. Yet I still struggle with depression. I’m a bubbly free-spirited person! But… sometimes I’m a broken hearted, lonely, disconnected person who still tries to lean on God and feels like she is failing in every way.
So if you’re a Christian who is battling their depression and feel alone and wrong for struggling, I’m here with you. We aren’t giving in. We know the tunnel has to end eventually, because God said it would. It’s hard to believe in His promises when you can’t see anything ahead of you, I know, but keep walking… the only hope we have to reach the other side is to not sit down or give up in the dark right now. So attached to this post you’ll find a project from my time in Serbia, based around my personal story a local filmmaker in Sombor helped us create this video that specifically addresses the issue of depression and suicide. Go ahead and check it out. Remember… you’re not alone.
