Provision and Failure
”Therefore take no thought, saying, what shall we eat? Or, what shall we drink? Or, wherewithal shall we be clothed? (for after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly father knoweth that you have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; And all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: For the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”
Matthew 6:31-34 KJV
When Do Our Eyes Turn ??
Before I began the fund-raising portion of this journey for this world race in October I was totally OK with accepting that God would provide for my finances, and He would make sure that my fundraising hits its deadlines to go on this route, the route I feel 100% certain he called me to… fast forward a few months and here I sit, having been a giant ball of worry and stress and concern for a long time now. Once I started the fundraising I was sure it would take off without a hitch, or at least as long as I left it in God’s hands. Yet I have honestly received absolutely no fundraising support whatsoever, and being that the month of April is almost over… The amount of stress I have been feeling is totally overwhelming! ??. “God! Where on Earth am I gonna find $5k by July!? Let alone $18K by October?!”. I had faith he would provide… until I stepped out in faith that is. Turns out that taking the first step can be easier than all of the following steps…
PETER! Oh, How I Understand Peter!
Peter, the great apostle, a world changer for Jesus Christ, a Martyr and a fisherman… someone who experienced Jesus up close and personal, firsthand witness to untold miracles! And also the Apostle who cut off the ear of the priest’s servant… also who denied knowing Jesus publicly three times mere hours after promising him he would never deny him and would die for him…. the same apostle who would get really excited and then make a huge mistake and miss the mark… and The Apostle I understand best. I get it Peter, I feel you. Ohhhh, how I understand.
For a few years now I’ve had a saying I use on myself, I call it, “Pulling a Peter.” When I step up and make a grand gesture truly believing I would stick to my guns and achieve something, only to totally blow it and fail miserably. Welcome to my current episode of “Pulling A Peter”, where I step out in faith that God will provide – only to almost never get on my fundraiser site out of fear of never seeing a moved number beside my dollar sign.
Who Knew About The Storm?
In Matthew 14:22-33 we have the story of Jesus walking on the sea. The first thing we see in verse 22 is that, “Immediately Jesus directed [them] to get into a ship and go before him unto the other side,” and I can’t help but notice that Jesus 1) didn’t waste any time I giving this direction, and 2) sent them alone ahead of him.
What does it matter? Well, Jesus is divine, he knew exactly where he was sending them at what time and into what they would find themselves! He made sure they were gonna be in that exact storm, that exact spot, so that through that storm God might get the glory and the disciples might learn and grow in it.
Why Do I Have This Sinking Feeling?
The disciples Saw Jesus walking on the water in the storm, they saw he was there with them! Yet only Peter had the thought to ask if he could join his savior out there! He saw his savior was there and he wasn’t afraid to follow him! (I feel you Peter!). So Peter Obeyed Jesus when he said, “Come.” He was doing the impossible at the call of his savior! (Oh I want that life!). How exciting is this story so far!?! Right!?!! And, and, and then!!!…
And then Peter saw the effects of the wind, and he was scared. (I saw the fundraising deadlines approaching and my account still on empty). And he started to sink. (And I started to shrink back, to fear falling short, to feel like maybe God couldn’t do it, maybe he didn’t call me here).
Now if the story ended here with, “and Peter sunk and Jesus watched him, the end.” I feel it would have been a very different story, and would certainly not describe our God. Peter started to sink and he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Even when we are failing we must know where our rescuer is and call out to him for rescue. Jesus didn’t tell Peter he was an idiot for sinking, he recused him with grace and compassion and asked him, “Why did you doubt?”. He never left, he still planned on getting the disciples across the sea, he even made sure the storm was over when they returned to the ship. Peter tried, he experienced something no body else ever has! And yet he faltered, he doubted and feared and failed… but God used him.
Waves of Perspective
I feel like Peter so often, seeing what God is calling me towards… stepping out… taking a step… and then being overwhelmed with the fears and doubts of his promises yet to be fulfilled… impatient and eventually sinking. Thank God he never leaves us, he is always here ready to rescue us. God I need rescuing now from my doubts about the trip finances. I know God could fill my entire account overnight, and I’ve been scared He might do just that; as in wait till the last possible moment to meet the need and make me trust Him…. oh the terror of the waiting. I need some prayers for provision and faith, to trust His plan here! Because I feel He is allowing this particular unfolding of the fundraising because He knows I am good at trusting him for big abstracts ideas, but struggle with trusting him with my concrete needs.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! Please consider partnering with me in prayer and financially supporting this trip! Leave a comment and share with someone who has a heart for missions! ??
