I’m sitting in a coffee shop with my laptop and a scalding hot cappuccino, with my sunglasses on because they’re hiding my angry tears. Why am I so upset?
I SWEAR OF ALL THE STRESSORS I’VE BEEN UNDER IN THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF IT’S BEEN FUNDRASING THAT I FEEL CERTAIN OF HAS PHYSICALLY AGED ME. LOST SLEEP. CRYING. CRYING TO SLEEP. CRYING INSTEAD OF SLEEPING. BEING PHYSICALLY ILL FROM STRESSING OVER FINDING FUNDING.
I’M JUST SICK OF IT.
Here I am, 11 days before my final funding deadline, and I only last night before going to sleep found out that it is THE FINAL DEADLINE. I have been in an undisclosed grace period to get funded (because I literally haven’t made a SINGLE funding deadline since I applied for the WorldRace) and I heard rumors month 7 is when the underfunded had to be funded or would be sent home; rumors are starting to clear up now: I have to raise the $4,022 left of my $18,700 total within the next 11 days… or I’m being sent home. (insert skull emoji here)… yeah. SO I’M UPSET.
I pray about it, I post about it, I remind people who said they wanted to donate how to do so… yet here I am. I’m halfway through this journey and I feel like I am JUST STARTING to gain traction in my personal growth and my ability to connect with people and build relationships! I’m finally getting the hang of this! I feel like I’m finally getting into the swing of things, and again the threat of this being the end of the journey stares at my face. It miffs me.
There is no more grace periods after this missed deadline, if this one doesn’t get met on time… BYE. No more second chances.
I am at my wit’s end. I am supposed to come up with names and numbers and contacts to talk to, specific numbers to ask for, and report back to my leadership with my progress, etc. I don’t have a SINGLE CLUE WHO TO ASK. I DEFINITELY DON’T KNOW SPECIFIC NUMBERS TO ASK FOR! Back home I don’t have a large community, of those I do have I’ve already tapped all of my personal resources. I reached out to the other believers I know who I thought would be the first ones to jump on board and be excited to see my go serve God and support my work; alas they were the largest community to ignore entirely or immediately reject my request for support (which hurt deeply). Now I’m here once again, the next 6 months of my life in the air and out of my control and I am supposed to be cognizant and in control about how to FIX my situation???? WHAAAAT??? I want to finish my race. But, I feel like God is gonna have to do this himself because I JUST DON’T KNOW ANYONE ELSE. I’ve been told no already by… pretty much everyone I asked with a few beautiful, wonderful, life saving exceptions. So, here I am at my WIT’s END. I’m just gonna ask anyone who is reading this, please be patient with me; funding is hard, humbling, hurtful, and challenging. I’ve had so much on my plate emotionally and mentally as-is that the added stress of this is just… overwhelming. So please pray for me, ask God if He is asking you to donate, or ask others who you know if they would donate. I cannot do this alone. Either way, if I stay or I go I’m gonna trust God has my future in His hands… it would just hurt if I don’t make it and he changes my plans because I couldn’t fundraise well. Anyway. The countdown begins.
10…
