“Crap” was the first thought that ran through my mind when the sermon series was explained. I mentally said this because the theme was “the space between”. In other words, the place between seasons, change, and transition.
Wow, God’s timing always blows my mind.
As some of you may already know I am currently in multiple “spaces between”.
I am slowly making the rapid transition of living in Ecuador with the remarkable Living and Learning International staff and students to the United States. I truly miss my Ecuadorian family a ton! (Pictured: Villa ladies)
I am still trying to comprehend that I have graduated from Trinity. Physically, I have made the transition, but not yet mentally or emotionally. I have shed many tears of happiness and sadness when reflecting on the past three years of spiritual, relational, and personal growth and maturity. A big shout out and thank you to all who made being a Troll an extraordinary experience! (Pictured: Graduated Ecuadorian Trolls)
Now I am preparing for the World Race transition.
Many people have asked me if I am nervous and scared. If I am honest, I am not nervous or scared about anything that could happen to me during those eleven months. However, I am terrified harmful things will happen to those I love when I am gone.
This past Sunday I felt like the pastor was speaking directly to me. He addressed what was waking me up multiple times throughout the night: the fear of not being able to love, support, or protect the people I hold near and dear to my heart.
The pastor’s insight about transition fear centered around Deuteronomy 1. Verse 32 stood out to me in particular, which says, “In spite of this, you did not trust in the Lord your God”.
This is when the pastor encouraged us to tell the truth. For me the truth was that I did not believe God could love, support, or protect my loved ones as well as me during the World Race. I did not want to say that out loud because I know God has and will always love, support, and protect everyone better I ever could. But deep, deep down I did not believe, nor did I dare to admit it until now.
I was able to bring my fears to the surface, with the Lord’s help, and I can now take steps to address them. For me, this means taking the step to hold tightly to the truth the Lord proclaimed in the verses surrounding Deuteronomy 1:32.
“Then I said to you, Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The Lord you God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place. In spite of this, you did not trust in the Lord your God, who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go.” (Deut. 1:29-33)
I am so thankful for the “crap moment”, which reminded me that my Heavenly Father fights for me, for you, and for all those I love dearly. He is carrying me now and will carry me through every “space between”!
