Malawi was a hard month, but rewarding. God was growing me through many different areas during month 2. It’s crazy to think it’s only month 2 & God has been reveling so much to me. I started off the month feeling very overwhelmed, not fully trusting God and allowing that to turn into fear. Each day I had to press into God. I had no idea how I was going to get through the month & God was the only way I knew how. I had to give the ministry completely over to God. God kept reminding me that He used all kinds of people in the Bible who weren’t “fully equipped”, but with God they were able to do anything.
2 Corinthians 12:9
“But he said to me, “ My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
Knowing that this past month involved evangelism & preaching made me fearful. Fear of not saying the right thing or missing something- it’s a weakness I think I have. This verse hits the spot every time. God uses my weaknesses, and the best part is that we know when things happen in our weaknesses that it’s only because of God. This happened time and time again during this past month. God kept showing up and I knew there was no way it was from something I said or did, but allowing God to work through me.
I had an opportunity to preach one Sunday. I had some verses on my heart that I knew I should share and had known for the past week, but didn’t step out to want to speak. So when my time in the rotation came it was God telling me it was time. I am not a fan of public speaking, but I know God can use what I think is a weakness for his glory, since that was something He had just shown me. God’s funny like that. God was also growing me in allowing room for the Holy Spirit to work, and to trust he will show up. Not planning every word I was going to say, or figuring out every part of the message before hand. So I was even more nervous before preaching, but trusted that God will show up and share through me exactly what needs to be said. It wasn’t until the morning before church that I heard from God what part of my story I should share during my preaching. God is so cool in how he works. Once I started talking about how we have to fight for change in our life & to not lose heart (what my message was about) all my nerves left & I got excited while talking. God gave this boost of confidence while speaking. It was neat to see how he used that, and the pastor ended up having an altar call after where people got to be prayed over. It was a really awesome moment
I have also been praying through allowing others into my life to walk along side me. It’s easy for me to deal with my issues by myself & with God, but it takes strength to let others walk with me too. I let my team walk with me this month being very honest with how I was feeling. Vulnerability takes time and God has been helping me walk through that. It is something I am still learning and working through, but God showed me how freeing it can be to let others in.
God is good! He took my fears and transformed them into something great. The fear still arises in me sometimes, but I know I God will be there for me when I go to Him. My prayer life became bolder this month because I was in such a desperate need for God. Our ministry hosts were such an incredible example of praying boldly, and asking things in the name of Jesus. I learned so much from just observing how they live their lives and pray!
This month God started to peel back different layers in my life and is showing me what it looks like to go deeper with him. I’m excited to see where God takes me next and how He will continue to challenge & grow me.
