Ok, less than one week. On Sunday I will be in Atlanta for launch. I will be separated from what I know and love to reunite with people I will be with for the next 11 months. My comfortable bubble is about to be popped.
I remember a time when I was convinced I’d never fundraise again. Funny how life works out, isn’t it? Right now I am writing this a week before I head out on another trip of a lifetime. Today I sit here, fully-funded. Yes, that’s right, over $16k was raised to go on this trip. I can not take credit for that; I have a faithful God who made it happen. I’ve learned something though, leaving is hard. I feel like I’m going to be missing out on so many things. Friendships, weddings, babies and news of all sorts–good, bad and ugly. I’m experiencing some major FOMO (fear of missing out). I love seeing my sister dance and I’m going to miss her entire competition season. I will never see her dance these dances live. I won’t get to see her get ready for homecoming or maybe asked to prom. I won’t get to see my family during the holiday season. I won’t get to deepen the relationships I’ve made with people over the past few years (or even the people I met just this past week!). I won’t be a part of my community group’s meetings on Sundays and I won’t be going to Trailhead anymore. I won’t be there for the people I love or the things I like doing. And ya know what? It’s really, really hard.
I am so comfortable. To say that I love my life would be a great understatement. I loved my job, I loved school when I was still in it, I love my friends, I love my coworkers, I love my family and I enjoy spending time with all of them. I like the 2 hour conversations at various restaurants and the time spent at coffee shops–even though I don’t like coffee. I love the laughter and heartache that I’ve shared with people because the sense of community is an almost unmatchable feeling of being truly loved. It’s these past few days that makes me seriously wonder; can I do this? Can I abandon what I know and love to dive head-first into uncertainty?
All that is scary, but I think what I’m more worried about as I sit here already missing the things that haven’t even happened yet is that I will miss out on the things I’m leaving for. I mean really, what’s the point of leaving when all I do is wish I was home? Will there be times that are harder than others, yes, and I expect that. But I really want to be present in what I’m doing while I’m gone. I don’t want to be there constantly feeling like I’m missing out; because I will miss out, I will miss out on the awesome opportunities God has for me on the World Race. If I mourn the loss of 2 hour conversations with long-time friends, then I will miss out on the chances for 2 hour conversations with my team. If I sob over the community I’m leaving behind, then I will miss out on the new community God is building right around me. If I grieve the holidays with family too much, I will miss out on celebrating the reason for the holidays in the first place. I will miss out on so much that God has to offer if I yearn for life back in the states. I’m going to be uncomfortable and I’m sure I will miss home from time to time, but I do not want to take this journey of a lifetime for granted.
So I want to tell myself this now; live. Live in the moment and don’t anticipate what’s to come. God has a plan, and it’s my job to trust Him. So, I will!
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” -Matthew 6:34
Much love,
Brittany
***Title received in collaboration with Richelle Gonzalez***
