200 days on the Race!
About a week ago we hit the 200 day mark. A full 200 days on the Race. So much has happened in that 200 days that I can’t quite put it all into a blog. But I will say that on the 201st day, I experienced something I’ll never forget. I got a taste of what women experience all the time. For some women, this is their reality. It happened just one time to me and I was mortified.
The plan was to hit the post office, go to H&M, then pick up my clean laundry. I’ve been in the city all month. I know where things are! I know this city. It’s daylight and I wanted to go and get back before it got too dark. I’m walking the sky bridge from one mall to another when it happened. The white American was spotted and preyed on; that white American being me. He was a big guy, rather tall. He wore a business suit and he was on the phone when I passed by. The last thing I heard him say over the phone was, “I found one.”
I think it’s safe to say that I am that naïve person who always thinks, “It will never happen to me,” even when warned about the dangers of this city. If I am approached, I know what to say and what to do. I would have it all under control! I thought all of that until it happened to me. This businessman tried to buy me.
I was approached when I was getting ready to get on the elevator. He shook my hand and smiled. The handshake was red flag number one. What seems so innocent was not. He grabbed my hand and stroked my palm, to see if I was interested and how I would respond. I pulled my hand back and quickly paced to the elevator to go down. I reached the elevator and praise, the down button was lit, and everyone standing there was also waiting to go down! I’m no longer alone.
Or so I thought.
While I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of the elevator he asked where I was from. I was prepared to answer with the utmost confidence but the words slipped out and reeked of fear. “America,” I said with a quiver in my weak voice.
Finally, the door opens to the elevator. He gets on, another guy gets on and then I proceed. But all of those other men, they stayed and watched. The second guy on the elevator gave one quick look at this man and me and decided to get off and take the next ride down. Yep, just like that I’m alone. Before I could make my escape I saw him press the “door close” button with a smile that will haunt me to this day.
He inched closer and laid his hand on my arm. “You’re very beautiful you know,“ he said. I’m cornered with nowhere to go and no one to beg for help from. I’m trapped in an elevator with a man who is ready to spend the night with me. “Let’s go to dinner.” My mind went into panic mode. I was prepared to be taken. I’m replaying all of the movies and advice I’d ever heard or read on what to do but my mind draws blank.
“I’ll buy you a drink.” I’m trying to think of who I can call so that he doesn’t see me doing it. I’m also wondering why I wasn’t holding pepper spray. Dang it. “I’ll buy you anything you want. Anything! You name it!” The offer had no appeal. I don’t want anything he has to offer. I reply with a “nah” because it’s one syllable and all I could think to mutter. “Why? I’ll give you as much money as you want! You name the price, sweetie.” I answer that I’m just not like that. I don’t do these things. I have friends waiting for me. I’m late and I need to go, now. “Come back to my hotel, it will be fun.” Fun? This is fun to you? Degrading women you don’t know is fun? Appalled at his comment, I was ready to be out of there.
The moment has arrived, freedom. The door slowly peels open. I make a run for it into the store I was headed to. I didn’t want him to follow me home and know where I lived. To my dismay, the mall was under construction and this is no longer an entrance. I wanted to cry knowing I’d have to pass him again to get out. He picked up his pace and walked after me. “Miss! Wait! Come with me! I’ll give you anything you want!” Without looking back I sprinted for H&M. I went inside and took a deep breath. I bought my pants that I went there for and waited a little longer.
I was so uneasy and ashamed of myself. Embarrassed even. How could I be so stupid?! I shouldn’t have gone anywhere alone. Derik was there, why didn’t I ask him to go with me? Why didn’t I wait for my team to get back and go with a teammate? Why was I so impatient? The enemy had me convinced, this is all my fault. I felt violated, confused, uncomfortable, exposed, used, objectified, gross, afraid, stuck and worth nothing. If I felt that from one close call, what did other women feel like?
I mustered up the courage and left to head back. I remembered just then that I forgot my laundry. Eh, whatever. I knew Derik was at the hostel and I could ask him to go with me real quick. Tears roll down my cheek as I realize what had just happened. That could have ended so much worse. He was a big guy and had the ability to overpower me. He could have drugged me. He could have taken me and no one would have helped. I was angry. Those stupid men were there and did nothing. Absolutely nothing! They knew what was going on and I was helpless.
I ran up the stairs and into my room and flopped down on my bed before I just broke down and sobbed. Well, on the bright side Liz and Ashley had just gotten back. So I asked Liz to come to my room real quick and later Ashley came too and they both prayed for me and that man. Yes, the man that tried to buy me. They prayed for him too. The root isn’t the women, it’s not the men either; it’s us living in a broken world where people think they can find love outside of God.
The next day we boarded a plane to Thailand. We had a debrief in Pattaya. There, there is Walking Street. My squad decided we wanted to minister to the people there. Mason shared his heart on it and left it up to us whether we go or not. I felt like God was putting it my heart to stay back and pray. The enemy whispered, you’re taking the easy way out. Praying does nothing. And you saw what happened last time. Live in fear, Brittany. You can’t do this and your help is nothing.
I stayed back and prayed anyways, take that satan. I had a few others who came to the same decision and we prayed and worshipped and interceded on behalf of our family out there on Walking Street. When they got back their faces were solemn and sober. Tears streamed down their faces as they scrambled to put words to their experience. It was then that I relived my moment in KL a few days earlier. They saw these women who do this to feed their family. They need it and their survival depends on it. I got to say no. I had the privilege to say no. I got to walk away shaken up a bit but unharmed.
This prepared me for what this month holds. My new team is working with a ministry called Remember Nhu. It’s a place in 10 countries with over 1,000 kids that were at high risk of being sold into the sex trade. These people work on the prevention side of the sex trade dilemma. Ever since they started in the northern villages of Thailand, they haven’t seen any kids sold from there! Their work is inspiring and the people here are so loving. These kiddos are safe from a life of sex for money. Praise God!
UPDATE:
I’m in Thailand! I have a pretty sweet setup this month so I’m very grateful for that. I’m also on a new team. So far so good! I’ve been blessed once again with women full of laughter and love; the best things life has to offer!
