So I know I talk a lot about “Transition angels”. But for some reason it’s always relavant because life is always “TRANSITIONING”…People are constantly coming in and out of my life and I find new reasons to thank and praise God for these people each and every day. It feels like recently I have these moments where I just sit back and say, “Oh yeah! That’s why I’m doing this!!” I praise God for every single thing I have gone thru. I see new little windows of the big picture every single day. I finely feel
good. Like I can go into this thing FEARLESS and just be happy for the first time in a good while. I finely feel like I have found what I have been looking for for years! I’m doing God’s will for my life and I have never been more confident of that than right now. I feel amazing. I’m getting sad about leaving but I also can NOT wait to leave and actually quit talking about everything and start living it. This month has been hard after training camp. It’s hard to learn so much and change so much and then go back home
for just a month and try to be “normal”… It’s kind of been a roller coaster. But this month has been about KNOWING i’m supposed to go. So many things have lined up. I have had a feeling since the begining that I was supposed to go on this journey but this month everything has been shown to me in a new light. I can look back on my life and thank God for everything he has shown me and continues to show me.
My life has been like a road map that has been leading up to this moment. It’s a lot of pressure but I feel like the weight has been lifted as well. Different events and people have inspired me to do this and be exactly where I am right now. I know I will relive things that were very painful in my own life over and over again on this adventure. I know that’s the point of the world race. But I now know that there was always a bigger plan for my life and it wasn’t all for nothing.
I went to Mckenzie TN the other night with my parents. I went to college my freshman year at the school there. That’s also where
my parents went and met each other so as they were sharing their stories with me it was a bit sad because they have so many good memories
there and fact is, the memories I have there are minimal and if they are big memories then they are bad ones. You see, when I was at that school
I was so messed up from everything that had happened to me that I just stayed in my dorn depressed most of the time. I don’t actually remember most
of that time of my life because fact is I think my brain has tried to block it out. It was not a good time. I sat there and almost wished that things
had been different for me. I thought about what my life might have been like if I would have stayed. What I would be doing, what my life would be
like, if I would be dating, and who my friends would and could have been…
Right after thinking those thoughts, I felt like an idiot. I would have never been the person I am today if I was still stuck in Mckenzie happy.
I wouldn’t have ever met Reka, Nick, Stephanole, Haylee, and all the people at the talent and modeling agency. I think I have a guardian angel
who has been with me this intire time of one transition to another…
feels like. So instead of keeping all that gold and being weighed down by it, I am chosing to turn around, take the pot of gold with me, and sprinkle it
around going back the same path I have come down to get here. That’s honestly what I feel like! One of the biggest verses the world race uses is the one
about “Heal the sick, Raise the dead, Cast out demons. Freely you have recieved so freely give.” And that’s what I plan on doing! Fact is, I’m about to
go into a world where I can somewhat relate to people on tough issues but they all have it WAY worse then I ever have. And I know I will see other people
in the people I meet around the world! I will see you! My supporters! But I also will see people that it will hurt to remember. But I’m READY!
It’s kind of like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. After everything happens, she wakes up, and realizes that the people who were in here dream
were actual people in her life. All of you have left an impression on my life. You prob don’t even know it either. It doesn’t matter if we haven’t talked
in years. I still remember.
Some of which I wish I could forget but this is the kind of stuff that I hold on to that hurts to let go. But I have to let go of my own baggage in order to
help others with their own and honestly tell them that things do and WILL get better. So here it goes! I’m diving in!
But I’m not and never will forget any of the things that have brought me here.
When I see children I will constantly be reminded of my nephews and niece and how they are back at home playing…..
When I hear the rape stories, I can share a little piece of myself with them as well. And as we get that person to a safe place, I will feel like I am beating one of my own demons up! HA! TAKE THAT!
If I happen to come meet a woman who is pregnant, I will be able to think of Maddie Grace and smile… I might even get to feel the baby kick if I’m lucky! =0)
When I hold those orphans I will think about my big brother and how he was adopted into my family.
When I see the homeless I won’t judge, instead I will go over and hear there story because I know what LOSS feels like….
As that Turkish ice cream man hands me an ice cream cone I will think about all the nights I spent with Nathaniel and Heather (And others) sobbing
but being okay as soon as that sweet ice cold goodness hit your lips!
When I see lions and animals on the safari, I won’t be able to not think of the lion king and laugh at Tyler and my other friends making fun of me (Immitating me running from the animals)…. (And being sad when I realize that the animals in Africa don’t actually sing, dance, or talk… LOL!
When I see a stray dog, I will automatically imagine it’s Aspen, or one of the puppies back at home and try my hardest to adopt it for the night.
The fact is, I will be constantly reminded by everyone here on a regular basis. I don’t feel like I’m leaving at all… I feel like I’m taking everyone and everything with me. Because, in a strange, weird way… I am.
or maybe one day you are on the road driving, eating ice cream, and you pass by some chick dancing and hanging out of her car singing at the top of her lungs….
Anyway, I hope when that happens, you smile and think about me. =)
