I’ve been having a hard time trying to write a blog recently, mostly because I didn’t know how to put into words how I’ve been feeling. Here goes a try.
Since the start of the trip, in June, I’ve felt like I’ve just been trying to get through each month, hoping the next month will bring me joy. Here I am in the 3rd month, in Ireland, and I still feel the same way, like I’m just coasting through waiting for something extraordinary to happen, waiting to feel like this is where I truly belong.
I’ve been feeling really homesick at times throughout the past couple of months, which has been weird to me because I’ve never felt that way before when I’ve been gone from home. I think it has a lot to do with me wanting to be home taking care of my grandma, who just passed away July 31st. One of the hardest things I had to do was say goodbye to her when I left in June. I wanted so desperately to stay there by her side. I didn’t understand why God had me on the other side of the world when the one thing I longed for was to be at home. Even though I now know that my grandma is in Heaven with her Savior and I don’t need to be home to take care of her, I still don’t understand why I’m here sometimes when I don’t feel like being here. I haven’t been very excited to do ministry when I feel like I should, and I haven’t even been excited to visit these amazing places around the world that God has brought me so far.
I know in my head that God’s plan is perfect and His timing is perfect and He has me on the other side of the world right now for a reason, but I have a hard time really feeling that in my heart right now. I know I need to be patient on God’s timing, even though sometimes I wish He would just tell me why I’m here and what I’m supposed to be learning.
Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
I pray that the Lord would hear my cry and fill me with His comfort and peace and shower me with His love. I pray that He fills me with His abundant joy and that I can be patient and content with where He has me right now.
Psalm 28:6-7 “Praise be to the Lord, for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.”
