Going into month three of the race, we were travelling from Nicaragua to the Philippines and we had a layover in L.A. When we touched down in L.A., many of my squad mates had family and friends there to meet them. I knew my family wasn’t going to be there and as soon as I saw everyone with theirs, I started to tear up. I tried so hard to hold it in but one of my squad mates parents turned to introduce themselves to me and I lost it. I didn’t just cry, I sobbed. I was sad that I couldn’t see my mom but I was also happy to just have a squad mom there to hug me and make me feel better.
The week that followed, included many tears from Brittany. I cried when we were on the plane and I slept through our first meal. I cried when we arrived at the hostel in Manila because I was so happy to be able to lay down. I cried during worship with the squad because I felt the Lord moving in such amazing ways. I met up with Gap year and was able to spend some time with my friend Hope who I have known for 10 or so years and I cried when I had to say goodbye. Last night, I even cried after we walked home from the mall because we were walking through the red light district and seeing the young girls there “working” made me sad and angry all at the same time.
Yes, I cried a lot, but you are probably wondering why I am blogging about it. Well, prior to this trip, I was NOT someone who cried easily. In fact, I used to pride myself on how little I did cry. I thought I was super tough and such a strong person because I would never cry. Well, that is not me. I am a person who has emotions and is learning to express them. (my friends and family are probably reading this with their jaw on the floor right now haha)
Just from my short time on the race, I have learned that it is okay to be sad just like it is okay to be happy. It is okay to be mad just like it is okay to be curious or goofy or anything else. And it is okay for big girls to cry. My team has shown me such grace and more love than I could have imagined when I get emotional and I don’t know what to do, and I love them for that. I now know how to talk to people when I am emotional instead of hiding in my tent or holding it in. If I learn nothing else this year, I will win in the long run because I have learned this. (But I am fairly confident that God has more in store for me).
Until next time!!!
**P.S. I am only a few weeks away from my next financial deadline which is coming up December 1st and I still need a little over $2,000 to make it so I can keep Racing with my squad. Please prayerfully consider donating to my account by clicking the SUPPORT ME button on the left side of your screen!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!
