I read on a bunch of packing blogs that you should bring a travel mirror with you on the world race. I think in the back of my head I thought that I honestly would never really need it. So when we showed up to our ministry site here in Cambodia and got a tour of the house why was I so upset by the fact that there was no mirror?
If you’re a female considering doing the race I’m sure you’ve heard of the world race 15. And ladies let me tell you first hand, it’s real.
So when my clothes started getting a little tighter and my pants that were super loose on me before the race now barely fit over my muffin top, I immediately was brought back to the day when a guy I was dating said to me in a Starbucks parking lot “Brittany you’ve put on some weight since we started dating” and the time when my first boyfriend told me I had “cottage cheese thighs”.
Is this all people really see?
My team got really into running this month. After each run I would strip off the layers of clothing and look at my body wondering how I will ever make it back down to the 130 lbs I was before the race. At the beginning of this month I was obsessed with how much rice was on my plate, how many calories I ate and would shame myself for the thought of even wanting the cookies and cream ice cream cone at the cafe let alone the horrendous thoughts that would enter my brain if I let myself actually have one. Each day I would know exactly how much self loathing to take into the shower based off how well I met my impossible standards.
Yes. I put on some of the world race 15. But when you live on $4 or $5 a day for food the decisions about what you eat and when you eat are no longer a huge selection of choices. Sometimes you’ll eat rice and beans for three meals a day for an entire month or you won’t eat at all.
When I went to take a before photo so I could prove that I actually lost some weight this month I heard God speak to me.
“Brittany, let me redefine the word beauty for you.”
I agreed that I would let God redefine the word for me and I knew that meant that I needed to go the entire month without make up and looking in a mirror. Because if He was going to redefine the word for me I had to take all the imperfections I saw out the picture and become a blank canvas.
I was on the ground of the school I’ve been teaching at this month with about 6 kids riding me like a horse when I had a revelation from God.
The times that I have been the most dissatisfied with my image in any form were the times when I didn’t give God any say in the matter. I’m not here on the world race to look pretty. God gave me a body to glorify Him with! And I think He’s most glorified when I stop hating it and resenting it for not fitting a certain image or standard that He didn’t even set.
God is teaching me that feeling pretty is not necessary in order to serve His people. I don’t have to look a certain way when I’m doing Kingdom work. Because the reality is that the days when I wear the ugliest clothes I brought or when I’m not afraid that the layer of make up will melt off my face are the days when I love people with everything I have. Those are the days when I let little children pull me to the ground or stretch out my only cardigan in a game of tag. When I choose to exemplify the love of Christ over the outward perception of beauty I want to portray to people I think that’s when God looks at me and says “Now is when you truly radiate with beauty. Because your heart is the most beautiful part of you.”
“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” Proverbs 27:19
So to any human – girl or boy – whose struggling with image, I want to remind you that the same God who created the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen created you. The same God who created Mount Everest or Angkor Wat or any other landmark we world racers post also created you. And want to know something better? You’re the only thing He created in His own image.
I can count on one hand how many days in the last four months I’ve actually felt pretty. And no matter how much make up I put on or how many times I look in the mirror that day it doesn’t change the fact that my clothes are stretched and smelly, I haven’t showered in a few days and I now have a very visible muffin top. But I know that I have fallen in love with Jesus. And when you are in love with Jesus, then everything you do will radiate Him. That my dear friends is the definition of beauty.
