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Hello,
Y’all I know it has taken me a month and 20 days to actually write this, really almost a year but listen, I DID start writing this thing back in September. I have probably 5 rough drafts saved on my computer. Every time I read them back it never seemed fit. So, here I am and again like I said a year and half ago, I won’t be reading this one back either so forgive the miss spelled words. If I go back and read it I won’t send it, VIA the 5 rough drafts pending in my saved box.
UPDATE…
IT HAS BEEN 8 MONTHS since I have been back on American soil. Like what? How does that even happen? It really feels longer than that because so many things have happened. I have grown, changed and the best thing thats happened is Y’ALL I HAVE FIGURED OUT LIFE… ahhhh just kidding. Does anyone have life really figured out? Since being home, I really feel like going out on the field was an actual dream. Seriously, sometimes it doesn’t feel like it actually happened and I think to myself… How did I act like that was a normal thing to do?
In life there are seasons. You probably hear this all the time, yeah? But I would like to clarify, my season are more like… mmm…severe weather changes or Texas weather some would say. One day you are laying in your hammock reading Jane Eyre enjoying the sunshine with nothing on your mind (yes, that rhymed you’re welcome) and a slight breeze blowing through the trees (and that rhymed too, I’m getting good at this. My next blog will be in a year with straight rhymes.) The next day you are trying everything in your power to get warm because your bones are so cold that the only thing that can fix it is the hottest bath you can stand. I look outside because it’s for sure going to snow, but nothing because I live in Texas. Then, the next day it’s warm enough to wear short.
This… This is how my past 8 months have looked like. One day I for sure know what the Lord wants me to pursue. For a week or sometimes a month I go after it and then something changes inside of me like a flipped switch. Sometimes its because of God telling me “nope” and sometimes its because the door closes and I guess thats God too.
About two months ago, I felt like there were 5 doors in front of me. Each door labeled with a different opportunity and completely different from its neighbor. I drove out of town to visit my best friend and to spend time with the Lord with no distractions. As I began my quiet time one morning I heard God say something like this, “each one of these doors are correct, I can use you if you are intentional with me using you, you choose.” The next morning I wrote out what I wanted. What I had the desire to do. Because the thing is, if I am following Jesus. If I am seeking him everyday. If I have a relationship with him. Then “The essence of this new life is no longer mine, for the Anointed One lives his life through me— we live in UNION as ONE! And He dispenses his life into mine! “ Galatians 2:20.
This verse is what started it all about 4 years ago. If you have a shirt that I sold for a fundraiser to help me raise money, this is the verse that is on the back of it. This verse is what really helped me have a renewed mind and spirit. Honestly, it took me from looking outside for the snow, to being content with what ever is next because he is writing the story through me. It took the pressure of being Brittani away because it’s not me it’s him. I am just being used. This life here on earth isn’t mine, its Jesus’ life living through me and I pray to God that he continues to use me and I don’t get caught up in Brittani’s world.
SINCE BEING HOME…
In January, I was asked to be in leadership at WFA over outreach to the community and outreach inside the church. I was THRILLED and I believe this season I am in right now is molding me into what is to come.
I have been SOOOOO blessed. Seriously, I don’t say that like a tattoo that I’m getting tatted on me next week, no offense. I say it like someone is letting me borrow their car. Someone is letting me stay in their little house. I started cleaning homes and I have had to say “No” to people. “Holla” at all the people who have let me clean their house! I have had random people give me money. I have to share this story of God’s goodness. I left my keys in the ignition of the TANK of a car I am borrowing out in front of a friends home. Not smart I know but the Lord knew. 3 hours later. Got in… the tank was completely FULL! Someone instead of stealing my car took it on a joy ride and then filled it up! It was empty when I got there. I don’t recommend this BTW use your discernment :).
I have connected with so many different organizations, many of which do the SAME THING. Crazy yeah? I visit one and tell them about the other and try and connect them. I have spoke at 3 different conference. I have spoke at several different church’s. I have started to have a heart for the homeless and give out jackets/ clothes every now and again. I have had the pleasure of discipling students. I have met with many women for months on end just to talk “life”. I have been able to make my own schedule for helping people, being available for family and helping community. And I CHASE down any Muslim I see and tell them about Jesus. I AM THE HAPPIEST I EVER BEEN. I can truly say that, apart from this past week, which was rough… I REALLY AM SO HAPPY. I never thought I could feel like this but my words for this year are “Balance” and “Joy”. And those folk are what the Lord has been placing in my life and teaching me.
GOING FORWARD…
I have a heart for cross cultural ministry, muslims, and disaster relief. I want to work in an environment that has a “team” dynamic. A place that holds me accountable, meets in the morning for devo’s (specific I know) and with their main goal being the lost. ALSO, I want to be an assistant. I love busy work and organizing, hospitality, talking to new people and being told to do something and completing it. So, I applied for Samaritans purse, Convoy of Hope and Compassion. All which have chosen others for the jobs and I was denied! Can you believe that?! Kidding, I am not discouraged, the right thing will open. I will continue to apply for these types of Jobs for now… until it gets cold again.
COMING UP…
Since being denied two other opportunities have open… imagine that? Lol Jesus is so cool. I will be going to Belize with my church in June!! I am so stoked to see what they all have going on down there. WFA has been supporting a school and a specific community there. SOOOOO excited to go with my church to see all that needs to be done and share the gospel with the lost.
Here is a picture of WFA last year
And the SECOND opportunity is Uganda in July. My old youth pastors Heidi and Mike Yonker have been going there to a specific village for awhile now. They live in Louisiana and are evangelist now. While praying the image of them popped into my head so I called them to see whats up. when I called within the first minute she was telling me I need to go with them to Uganda. Surprise? I think not. If you remember, in one of my blogs I talked briefly about the fairy ride from Spain to Africa and I cried when stepped foot onto her soil. Africa has always had a strong place in my heart. While talking about the trip and what we would be doing she told me that a new development with refugees from West Africa have come into the village. These would be muslims and if you remember correctly I LOOVVVEEE Muslims not only that my favorite part of being out on the field was working with Muslim refugees. Coincidence…I think not. I believe this may be an opening for the future.
Here is a picture of Mike and Heidi in Uganda!
Obviously, I am in need of finical support in order for me to do this but also prayers. My life is now missions and I would love your support. Thank you to all who have always supported me.
Deadlines for payments:
April 4th- $800 ( 1/2 for Belize)
May- $1500 ( flights for Uganda) & The last $800 for Belize ($2300)
June- $500
I am looking at raising $4,000 all together. Half of it in two months.
If you would like to support me, you can through giving by using VENMO, PAYPAL or MAIL
VENMO: @Brittani-Toole ( www.venmo.com/Brittani-Toole ) PAYPAL: [email protected]
ADDRESS: 19065 STATE HWY 110 S Whitehouse,TX 75791
Or If you would like to support through prayer. Please pray for provision and funds to be raised accordingly. Pray that during this time I would not get discouraged and that I continue to live not for self but for Jesus.
I know there is a reason I am single. I know there is a reason I don’t have kiddos yet. I am the one who needs to GO. I know there is a reason I have no debt. I know there is a reason I am not “tied” down here in Texas. I have a heart for the lost. I have a heart for cross cultural ministry. I have a heart for the hurting and for those that DON’T even know they are hurting. I have a heart for people. I have a heart to be Jesus anywhere.
As my Mamaw says “Little is much when God is in it”. Thank you for reading this RIDICULOUSLY long letter from just a women trying to be used by God but fails SO OFTEN.
Jesus loves you all and therefore, so do I – Brittani
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