I am laying in Africa sound a sleep. I know, I jumped in on that a little too fast but Crazy right?! I am in AFRICA. What?! On top of that, I am in the middle of the Sahara Dessert! Freak out a little, it’s ok because I surely have. It hits me about every 3 hours. “Brittani, be IN THE MOMENT. You are standing on African soil surrounded by Nomads, Africans, and beautiful sites that many will never get to see. I also think about what I was doing at this time a year ago and what people are doing back home. I can’t help but to stop and give thanks to Jesus for HIs provision in my life.
Ok, back to laying down in the MIDDLE of the Sahara Dessert. I rolled over and a bright light hit my eyes and for a second I was stunned. My heart started racing and I tucked my sleeping bag under my chin. My eyes popped open and what I saw, I was not ready for. Have you ever looked up at a clear midnight sky in the middle of the dessert? My breath was stollen right out of my lungs?! I have never experienced such a thing until that moment. The moon was directly over my head and my eyes squinted at it’s brightness. I could easily see two hundred yards in front of me. It was like a huge night light, subtle and simultaneously right in my face. The stars, there were millions of them and just as bight as the moon. At home I feel like you can only see them for a certain distance, here I saw them as far as my eyes could see. The Milkyway was WAY to easy to spot. Each star shines like a diamond and brighter than the other, as if they were on display at a jewelry store. I truly felt as though I could reach up and hand pick my favorite. I just had the scene pop in my head of Bruce Almighty where he roped them like a cowboy and pulled them in closer…actually I think It was the moon… oh well you get the picture, right? They were HUGE. The wind blew through and brought crisp cool air that was easy to breathe in after the initial shock was over with.
After about a minute of being in complete awe of God’s creation, I found myself looking at my phone for the time. 3:02 A.M. I NEVER fully wake up in the middle of the night unless it’s God waking me up. I started speaking to Him and thanking Him for the stars and the night sky and then I got down to the nitty gritty, because I really like my sleep.
“Hey you! I am wide awake and ready to listen.”
…Nothing.
“God, I know that I am not awake just because. I will wait.” A minute went by along with a couple of shooting stars.
“Hey! I really have been wanting to hear from you more and have a cool story. So… you there?”. Still nothing.
I just remember in that moment feeling let down. Yes, let down in the middle of the night under the stars. I have been in a place where I want every waking moment to be with God and to know Him more. You know the enemy gets into your head in these moments when God doesn’t answer you.
You aren’t good enough to hear him.
You don’t have the heart to hear Him Brittani.
Do you really think there is a God who cares that much to wake you up?
Then you start challenging him.
If I see another shooting star right over there… (Nothing)
Send a BIG gust a of wind, I’ll know it’s you. (Nothing)
An angel! Yes, send an angel! (Nothing, in which I would have really passed out if that happened. Haha)
All of this was being fed to me as I am laying under his masterpiece. Hysterical right? It’s crazy what “darkness” can plant in your thoughts, even in the midst of beauty. Remember that.
That night I did not receive a “divine word” from the Lord, I did not see another shooting star nor did a huge angel appear to me. I fell back asleep under the bright lights.
Now, two days after the fact God is speaking to me about that night and the 2 weeks before that. He has been preparing my heart for what He has shown me. So, here I am writing all of this out to you.
I began to wonder how God placed the stars in the heaven. Was it one by one? Did he put them in his hand and then just throw them in the sky? But the big question that started to arise is, why do they go away during the light of day. They are beautiful. God first created darkness and then he said “Let there be light” and separated the light from darkness and named them. Gave them BOTH names. THEN, He made the stars and gave order to things and called it all good. Darkness first, then light.
Being here in Morocco has been a dream come true however, very hard for me as a Christian. For those who do not know, it is a closed country, basically meaning Christianity is looked down upon or outlawed. Honestly, I am beginning to learn that in every country that means something different, some more strict than others. Here are some things I have learned about being a Christian in Morocco.
1. A Moroccan speaking about Christianity and converting to another Moroccan can get you into some BIG trouble.
2. For me, speaking about Christianity to a Moroccan can get me kicked out.
3. I can speak about my life. Which I am a Christian, so I am just talking about how I live.
4. Under ground churches here are VERY secretive. To the point only one of our 4 teams were able to find one and then it was hush hush. No sending text about it or messages.
5. It’s HARD to speak about Christianity and awkward bringing it up. I thought it was difficult back home!
6. I haven’t met one Christian in Morocco.
Ok, to wrap all this up and to tie it in a nice big bow. I was sitting on the bus sweating bullets, 8 hour travel day next to this beautiful muslim women. My hands were in my lap and she was starring at them. I looked down and the tattoo of the cross on my wrist was showing. I flipped my wrist over quickly and my mind started running.
“Does that offend her?” “Is there questions she has?” “If I talk to her, what would the outcome be? And would it make her uncomfortable?” “Is she about
to rat me out to people on the bus?”
I am VERY dramatic sometimes, however, she continued to look at me every minute or so as if she had questions but wasn’t sure how to approach it. I could see it in her eyes. They were screaming hurt to the point of almost tears. I continued to meet her eyes for the next several minutes trying to work up the courage to approach her. The bus came to a stop, She stood up and made her way to the exited. Honestly, A sigh of relief hit that I didn’t have to think about talking to her anymore. And then it happened, regret immediately flooded in. It was only a minute later God spoke to me through another lady sitting a couple of seats up from me. “Great.” A women who obviously was miserable from bus sickness. Those of you who know me know I HATTTTTEE throwing up. She began to barf.
“Brittani, do you love her enough to take that pain away from her?” – Holy Spirit
In that moment I didn’t know how to respond except for the honest truth. “I don’t wanna throw up!”
“Daughter I love you and her. I took all of that upon my shoulders. You don’t need to take her pain. Let me do it.”
“Thank you God!” Was my reaction but I still didn’t understand all of this. I knew there was more, I just didn’t know at the time what it was.
One more story, I arrived in a small village before heading into the dessert. A full travel day had passed and I was so tired. Still don’t understand why traveling makes you so tired, but its most certainly on another level on the world race. I looked down at the shirt I was wearing and out of all the cursive letters the only letters that weren’t and legible were “Jesus Christ” in bold letters. I gasp and looked at Emily, one of the girls on our team. “Look at this! I have been wearing this all day!” I found my self crossing my arms and hiding the letters. With that came some STRONG conviction. I then started speaking out loud about how “it’s ok right that I have this on?” to help me feel as though it were ok to have “Jesus Christ” written on my shirt. Which by the way is perfectly fine.
Every situation I have been put in thus far here, I have felt like something shining bright in the darkness. Even in the mist of darkness there is beauty and treasure. That night the stars in the sky, (even though hidden in the sun) are very much a treasure. God created light and he created darkness. He could have easily done away with it. We look at darkness as a bad thing. Yes, in the Bible it relates sin to darkness and yes, bad things do happen at night in the darkest places. Yet, He gave it a name, night. On top of that he made it His magnificent masterpiece with the stars and moon, what a wonderful night light huh? How great is the beauty of the heavens? How marvelous is the man who made this beautiful thing called earth and sky that brings joy to my soul and surprises me never the less.
Christianity in the midst of the darkness is a treasure. It may be hidden to many and I may want to hide it. It may be awkward. It is hard and there are trials but EVEN in the mist of the darkness there is beauty and treasure.
I don’t know what you may be going through and it may feel like darkness has overwhelmed you. You may be looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and trying to get there as fast as possible. Before exiting the darkness, look for the shining bright light there that God is wanting you to see. It could be the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. It could take your breath away. Even in my deepest sleep with my eyes closed and darkness all around, the moon and stars in their brilliance woke me up and I pray continues to wake me up.
God did not intend for you to endure the darkness but to dance under the stars that are hidden there.
-Brittani
