It's funny…this week has brought on all new emotions when I process preparing for the race. I have found that with this race, your emotional state of being changes on a day to day basis…there is no consistant feeling or thought. I feel like I am in one of those money booths…you know the ones; the ones that people stand in and frantically grasp for money while it blows around their heads? Yeah. I'm in a glass case of emotion. Jumping around, flailing trying to grasp and get a handle on what I am feeling, what I am thinking…
I am so blessed…feeling so lucky to have the people and influences I do in my life…
To have already met two amazing and wonderful squadmates who are already pouring into my life and loving me from miles and miles away…
To have people donating who I have hurt…
To have gotten a job…
To have people SO willing to help me with both money, their time, and things like ground beef for my chili dinner in a month…
I am beginning to process the fact that I will be saying goodbye for a year. Today was the first of many goodbyes I will say…and it wasn't and won't even be the hardest one. I had 3 cats….(yeah, I know, I know…crazy cat lady blah blah blah…I'm not even a cat person! I love Dogs!) I got them in June. Nani, Cali, and Oliver. I tried to find them new homes…but it was not working. God has been slowly preparing my heart to just be done with felines, and today, I just felt like he was saying "Now or Never". I took them to a no-kill shelter…and they were full. Devastated I called the rest of the no-kill shelters in the area. Full. As silly and trivial as it sounds, I prayed. I prayed over those three little lives. Even though I do NOT like cats, these three had my heart breaking. I called an animal shelter about a half hour away and they said they would take them. I drove them over, praying to God the whole time for them. I walked them inside and met the front desk woman in the surrender dept. She had me fill out some paperwork, and that's when I broke down. They were just stupid cats! I read over the surrender form…it talked about their euthanasia policies and I lost it. I filled out their pet profile sheets and that was it…they were gone. I just kept thinking about how scared they must be…how confused…They are so sweet and so loving, I hope they find homes. Desperately hope.
I felt silly crying as I drove away.
And then I got to thinking.
What is it going to be like when I say goodbye to my friends?
My dog?
My family?
My heart races when I think about it.
Emma has been with me through the worst times in my life…shes the best dog I have ever owned. So even a year without her (and she's heartworm positive b.t.dubs…doesn't have a long life to live as it's progressed far enough [I adopted her before they put her down because of it]) will be difficult.
While my heart stings with the thought of saying goodbye, it craves to say "Hello". To meet my new friends who I already love as family…to meet children around the world and greet them in a language I have never spoken…to meet the faces of the statistics I hear about sex trafficking…
With every fear and doubt comes peace and joy…and I am thankful the Lord has my back. Without Him I would be having heart attacks right now. Like…Cardiac Arrest awfulness. He is my strength and my solid rock in this crazy storm I call life…
What you will come to learn about me is that I have ADD…literally. I have two things that I wanted to accomplish in this blog post, and they are completely unrelated…but awesome. Hope you can follow… 😉
I realize that I've talked about all of these people, and so far, they are without faces. Let me Introduce you to my crazy loves…
Me and my mom…
Me and My dad…
They are so precious….
Me and my sister Samantha…
Me and my sister Melanie…
Me and my little brother Ethan…
Me and my Emma…
More shenanigans? Okay! Here are some of my favorite things…
luh me some Toms…
Okay, I'll be done now. So there is a little sneak peak into my life…so very blessed to lay it down for a new one in 10 months.
Financing update: 4% funded!!! 96% to go!!! Getting my support letters out THIS WEEK. The craziness of life makes it difficult to do much of anything now-a-days.
Love y'all!
