There are a few major questions you are asked when You sign up and are a part of something like the world race.
- Are you crazy?
- How are you going to raise all that money?
- How are you going to leave your boyfriend and dog?
- How are you going to leave that ministry?
And then you get to the point where I am. The point in the race where the questions begin to change.
- What day will you be home?
- What has been your favorite month?
And my personal favorite : “What are you going to do when you get home?”
And of course, preparing for the inevitable : “How was your trip?” question.
First thing’s first.
“What are you going to do when you get home?”
This is a daunting question to World Racers.
This race isn’t a vacation. It’s spiritual boot camp. We’re training to literally be the disciples that Jesus led back in the days of the New Testament. In the past 8.5 months, I have been the most heartbroken, excited, tired, worried, and -insert every single emotion here-. I’ve gone from hopeful, to depressed, to numb all in one day. We’ve seen 100 degree heat, and 35 degree nights. We’ve worked in areas of extreme poverty and immense wealth. We’ve lived in mansions, and slept in tents. All in the name of Jesus. They say one year on the race is at LEAST 3 years of spiritual growth…and it’s true. I’ve grown more in the past 8 months than I have probably in my entire life. Believe it or not, Bucket showers, rice and beans, sleeping on the floors, and chicken buses have become our new normal. Packing our houses up, strapping them to our backs, and moving to a different country, has become our new normal. Not having electricity for days, not showering for a week, and holding lice infested orphans has become our new normal.
Going to Target for a $5 movie is not.
Grabbing a “quick” warm shower is not.
Going for a drive when we’re angry is not.
Waking up for our 9-5 job is not.
Driving through Starbucks for a Venti Caramel Macchiato is not.
Free wifi wherever you go is not. Don't even talk to us about 3G and 4G.
America isn’t “normal” to us anymore. So you can imagine that thinking about what is next for each of our lives is pretty overwhelming.
I cannot for the life of me say that I want to go home and pursue the car industry when I get home. I actually can’t imagine doing anything other than what I am doing right now. Not to discount what everyone else does, but actually getting into the “fast track” again gives me a literal sense of anxiety. I don’t want it. I want to do something that matters to me. (Again, not to discount what anyone else does.)
When I started on this race, I swore that I would NEVER fundraise again. Now, sitting here, I can tell you that I am actually contemplating being a stateside missionary. Which requires fundraising my salary. The thought terrifies me. But when I think about what I could be doing, I feel such peace. I am praying and truly seeking if it’s what the Lord has for me. Not only would this be an amazing way to impact the world in a positive way, but it would allow for me to start my photography business. It would allow for me to volunteer in my community. In my church. I find myself actually wondering if this is an opportunity my flesh desires, or if it’s something the Lord truly wants for my life. Which I find hilarious most days.
Funny thing is, I wouldn’t know for sure if it’s what God had for me until well after I get back. About a month to be exact.
So, do I sort of have a grip on what I want to do when I get home? Yes…and no. The photography business will happen. As for the rest, I have no idea. I think that God definitely uses the “unknown” to keep me present here in Nepal. I thought I had my whole life figured out before India. Now I have no idea. Which I’m thankful for. But now, I’m just another racer dealing with that infamous and daunting question. I do know that I will travel most likely…Northern Michigan for a bit to visit my best friend, eastern Michigan to spend time with my boyfriend and his family, Flordia, Georgia…the sky is the limit.
So. To close, here are the answers to the questions asked to myself, a world racer.
- Are you crazy?
Yes. Absolutely.
- How are you going to raise all that money?
I’m not. God is. And actually already has.
- How are you going to leave your boyfriend? And dog?
I couldn’t have done it without them. He’s my number one fan. It’s been hard, but the best thing for both of us.
- How are you going to leave that ministry?
I got this question a LOT when I left SCH. Answer is, by the Grace of God. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
- When do you come home?
I leave Malawi May 30th and should be home on the 31st…hopefully.
- What has been your favorite month?
India. Hands down.
- What are you going to do after the race?
See above. Please. Just see above. And pray for clarity.
- How was your trip?
FOR THE LOVE, DON’T BE THAT PERSON.
Seriously though. Don’t.
