Dear Mom,
When people ask me what I’ve learned most from this trip…it’s easy to get lost in the lessons that the Lord has taught me about choosing joy, grace, or accepting forgiveness and freedom. I could go one for hours about how the Lord has given me the most beautiful sunsets, how He has saved my life, and how he protected me from a lot of sicknesses that I could have had, especially here in Africa. But towards the end, as if to convey the upmost importance, I always tell them that I am so thankful for the race for how it has caused me to delve into deeper relationships with my family…specifically, you. It’s hard to believe, but this year, one of the biggest things I’ve taken from this race, is how much I love and appreciate you.
As I was falling in Guatemala…all I could think about was how devastated you would be when you found out I’d died. I pictured your face when you got the call. For this reason, I spent the next few weeks replaying the memory in my mind…sometimes crying myself to sleep. When I got back to the compound, cleaned my wounds, all I wanted to do was to see your face. To hear your voice. And to, for one second, be with my mom. I remember the sobs that choked my throat when I saw you that day. All because of the immense gratefulness I had that I was still here…and that I still had you.
It devastated me to not be with you to celebrate yours and dad’s 25th wedding anniversary. I was feeling my first little bit of homesickness…and honestly, our FaceTime conversations kept me going. It was hard to not see you more often than we could that month…and I read and reread the notes you sent with me over and over again. Treasuring every word.
I remember laying on my sleeping pad in Nicaragua…desperately praying that you would be at the Airport in LA. Nicaragua was a good month, and I was thankful to have my Nicaragua momma to pour into me that month…you would have liked her. She was a wonderful woman with a huge heart…and she took such wonderful care of us. A memory that will forever be engrained in my mind is when you cried with me when I found out about dad’s cancer in Managua. How you told me to stay…to stick it out. How you told me God wasn’t done with me on this race. I wish I could remember the words as you said them…but I felt your hug from Nicaragua. It would have been easy for you to tell me to come home…to be selfish and to want me in your arms again…but you didn’t. You loved me enough to tell me to stay. To travel further away from you than I’d ever been before. You sacrificed you desires…for the plan that God had for me. And I can’t thank you enough for that sacrifice. Mom, I would not be sitting here in month 1, having learned everything I have if you’d not encouraged me to stay. Your strength gave me strength.
I will forever cherish the times we were able to talk in the Philippines. You were so patient with me and were sure to update me on everything dad was going through. You listened to me when I cried, and cried with me. You encouraged me to stay the course. You were so strong throughout the whole experience…I was so incredibly proud of the woman you were becoming over the course of dads treatments. I will never forget the text I got about dad being cancer free.
Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam were the hardest months on my race. Through issues on my team and on the race, you were instrumental in keeping me rooted in the Lord. Your prayers, your encouragement, and our facetime’s kept me grounded. Your example of grace in your testimony often challenged me to give grace, and to receive it. People would ask me who I wanted to be like when I grew up, and I would say you.
And then there was India…and then there was Ruby. I myself became a mommy…and every moment I spent with Ruby, I imagined how you used to treat me as a baby…how well you must have loved me. I don’t know the love a mother has for her own blood…but if it’s anything close to how much I loved Ruby…I can truly say that I am a blessed daughter…and that you loved me so well. I modeled my love after the love, grace, and freedom that you’ve shown me. And I am so thankful that my little gem got to see you and your love…through me. I can’t wait for you to meet her. To see the love you've adopted for SCH just blows my mind…how you love every single child without ever meeting them…how you cry for them…how you pray for them…it's such an inspiration to me. The SCH kids are so blessed to have a spiritual prayer warrior on their side like you.
Nepal, Zambia, and now…I just feel anxious. I can’t wait to return to your arms. I can’t wait to thank you for how instrumental you were in my growth this year. I can’t wait to get to know the “new you” and for you to get to know the “new me”. I am so proud of the growth I have seen in you this year…how you’ve stepped up into your identity as a daughter of the King. How you’ve placed down your selfish desires as a mother and ultimately…given me up. How you’ve released me to the Lord. How you’ve been vulnerable…and let me know where your heart is. I’m proud of the freedom you’ve accepted, and how on a weekly basis, you help others achieve it.
I wish to be half the woman you are. When I am a mom, I pray that my kids have half the respect for me as I have for you. You are a woman whom God has chosen for "Such a time as this". You are the Proverbs 31 woman. God has given you a mothers heart, and a gentle spirit. He has created you to be BEAUTIFUL and in His image (Seriously, I'm so blessed to look like you!). You never have been, and never will be a failure. You have done well. SO well. You have been a model of Christ and His love…I've seen it many times this year. Through your example, I was able to give the same love to everyone I came across this year. The love of Jesus. This mothers day, you better believe that I will be thinking of you and how much you mean to me. I am counting down the days to when I see you again…and I cannot wait for the adventures the Lord has for us post-race. It’s been a long journey…and I am so excited for the moment when we see each other again in 22 days. I love you more than words can say. Happy Mothers Day.
Mom, we did it.
Be home soon…
Brittany
