Breathtaking

See what I mean? Breathtaking. Yesterday I drove up to Diamond Lake, my grandparents own a cottage up there. My family gathered there to celebrate my Grandpa's 70th birthday. The legacy my grandfather has created for himself is incredible. I have never met a man like him. And it's not just him…my grandmother is precious. Both of them have been married for almost 50 years and are still head over heels for each other.
Their example is breathtaking.

It was a beautiful time with family, celebrating a man who means so much to us all.
 

The drive home was nothing short of interesting. I have a photographic memory…I remember what people were wearing when I met them, what the weather was like, and where I was. Sometimes, this is a beyond awesome ability. Other times…it sucks. I get these triggers…these flashes of memory…they literally feel like a jolt of electricity that hits me all of a sudden…without warning. My grand parents live about an hour away…and when I began to drive home, it was dark. A fog had set in…tungsten lights were haloed with fuzzy orange light. Boom. I felt like I had been punched in the gut…I literally leaned forward and gasped…memories of tungsten lights in a dark, cold, foggy night…Boyz II Men on the radio…my knuckles were turning white on the steering wheel of my bug as memory after memory snowballed and began building grief, sorrow, and longing crept into every broken piece of my heart I had spent so long trying o fix. The memories clouded my vision…I could see everything about them in detail…I could smell the air around me…everything was so real. It literally took my breath away. Breathtaking in a bad way. Songs on the radio pierced like a knife…hitting my heartache right where it hurt most.

"Tonight your memory burns like a fire

With every one it grows higher and higher

And I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love

I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back

Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming

Come wake me up"
 

Tears streamed down my face as new visions of what my life would have been…could have been…filled my mind. Where memory ended, creativity began…painting a very clear, very realistic vision of what would have been my life. And I wept. Something I hadn't done in a very long time. Immediately I texted my friends…making sure to keep my healing healthy, pleading for their help.

And they gave it.

Their love…their guidance…their encouragement was breathtaking. They knew it was okay to cry, they didn't tell me to just get over it…they allowed me to feel how I needed to in order to overcome the emotional avalanche that had destroyed every step I had taken toward recovery.

The thing that blows my mind the most? How God brought me these friends. One, through the race. The other through a church group. Both have poured into my life and given me the best example of a friendship I have ever had. Their love, their compassion, their example of a godly woman in Christ is breathtaking.

So today, I woke up knowing it was all behind me…it was a new day…

I woke up this morning, took a deep breath…said a prayer. A prayer thanking the Lord for the many people I have yet to meet…my new family that I will be soon traveling around the world with…thanking the Lord for my family…and thanking the Lord that even though my life isn't turning out how I thought it should have been…it'll be better.