I did it again, I wrote like 3 drafts of this, I just wrote one for an hour and erased it. Went a completely different direction. It's a problem I know, but I will eventually be able to just bust these out so bare with me 🙂
So training camp….
I slept in my tent, in other people's tents, in a tent crammed with 11 people, in a school bus, in cabins, and in the woods under a tarp.
I ate the strangest things. Things I would NEVER order on a menu. Fish stew, "ugali," curry (which I actually really liked and would order) and other things that I will most likely encounter and have to devour on the race.
I met the coolest people. My squad, "D" squad has THE coolest people. We all have different passions, gifts, personalities, and looks, but we are sold on being there for each other and loving one another deeply. After just a few days, I have been wondering how it's possible to feel like I have gained another family, how I can love someone I don't even know, and how on earth I am going to last two months without them. Is it possible? After just a week? I would say no, but my heart definitely disagrees.
I was challenged, to say the least.
I sat through three services a day, experienced crazy and awesome worship, and froooooooooze my tush off.
I stood on a chair after being filled with the Holy Spirit.
The story goes like this…
After the director Michael Hindes broke me from the inside out with a sermon I call "This vs That," I surrendered myself during worship and literally felt the Holy Spirit, mostly in my arms. My shoulder was tweaking, but I think that's cause my arms were tired from being raised, BUT my arms, they were filled with electricity, or something close to that. My hands were open and I refused to shut them or sit or do anything because the feeling was too amazing. Then I had a conversation, or an argument really with the Lord…
"Brittany, stand on the chair."
"Um, I am not standing on the chair, I am good right here."
"Come on, stand on the chair."
"No, I'm good here, I feel great, I am sobbing uncontrollably, I can barely breathe, and my knees are hurting. I am definitely not stable enough to stand on a chair. Not to mention that there are roughly about 200 people around me, not standing on chairs. So, that would be weird if I did."
"You really won't stand on the chair for me?"
"God, why do you want me to stand on the chair? I don't want to stand out. What will everyone think of me? I usually don't care what people think, but here, I don't know these people, I need them to think that I am normal at least for a little while ;)"
"Brittany, you are free. Be bold. Be you. Stand on the chair."
"I really am good here. Look, I can be here for Hayden and put my arm around her and pray for her. You can touch her through me. (So I put my arm around Hayden to show God that I don't need to stand on the chair)
"Stand on the chair, you are bold. I know you aren't ashamed of me. I know you will do it because you love me and you are free."
"Alright, fine."
(Stood on the chair! Felt so amazing. It was like I was climbing to be as near to Him as I possibly could. The music was playing, people were worshipping all around me, there was a hole in the roof structure and the sun was shining. I literally felt like I was getting closer to Him. Electricity was pumping through my arms.)
–I even put my hand on Hayden's head and felt like the Spirit was flowing into her, way cooler than being the same height as her. Way to go God 😉
So since I stood on the chair, I was able to eventually surrender everything, with the help of Hayden, coincidence? No way! 🙂 I literally have stepped into a new way. It's hard to explain, ask me and I would love to break it down for you…
Going from "This to That" basically encompasses my experience and transformation that occurred at training camp. Going from praying, to declaring things with conviction. From knowing and hearing about walking in the Spirit, to choosing to literally walk in the spirit. From doubting miracles still take place, to believing and knowing that these hands, these eyes, and this mouth will create miracles because I am walking in the Spirit.
The idea that being saved isn't enough shook me. There is another level, a level that I have known since birth but have been so eager to avoid until now. I used to refer to it as being on a "whole other level spiritually." I used to be ABSOLUTELY fine loving God, loving others, and loving myself in that order. But now, gosh now He is calling me to that OTHER level. Am I ready? Gosh I hope so. Am I scared? DUH. Apprehensive? UM HM. But honestly, this new level is so enticing!!!
Imagine. Feeling (literally feeling!) God's love. Hearing His voice. Walking in the Spirit. Experiencing INTIMACY with the CREATOR, who longs to be with you. It's no longer about doing the right thing and blessing others. Well it is, but it's so much more. It's a love story for me now. He isn't far away, He is coming closer to me. To where I can feel him, hear him, and see him. WOW. I know, it's crazy. But keep reading my blog and I guarantee you that the stories I share will prove that this level, is a level you desire. Follow me on my journey of falling in love with my ABBA. It's a deep level, and crazy stuff is bound to happen. 😀
LOVE you all. please contact me if you'd like. Sorry for my rambling and jumbled thoughts too!
PS- thank you. from my heart thank you for supporting me and loving me through this preparation especially. I pray that you will be blessed and realize that He desires the same love story with you. You don't have to go away for 11 months to 11 countries to obtain it either. That's just my story. You can fall right where you are and change your life forever 🙂
