Before you read this blog, please read my last one. The last blog sets the stage for this part of the story and this story is incomplete without the romance.
There I was, FULL, and in a complete state of bliss and love. A few moments go by, and I feel something penetrate my spirit and land into my heart. I begin to feel uneasy, and the romantic moment I was experiencing screeched to a halt. It took a few minutes for it to sink in, but eventually; I realized what had just happened.
I pulled my roommate aside and I exposed whatever it was that just PIERCED me. We talk it out and I feel this feeling of discouragement spreading rapidly through my heart and my spirit. UGH. What is happening? She begins to pray, and as she does, tears begin to leak. Not an ugly cry, but a silent cry, where tears are just streaming down my face. The more she prays, the more I cry. I am sitting there, at our huge dining room table, where everyone walking by can see me, and I am just leaking.
On the race last year, God gave me a new set of eyes. Not physically, although He has promised me those too, but spiritually. He sometimes allows me to see what is really going on, in the heavenly realms. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s the truth. I promise. It was hard for me to accept or even believe at first, but eventually, I was able to gracefully trust the ONE behind the gift and sight and not merely what I was seeing.
I don’t understand it or comprehend it a majority of the time, but I KNOW and TRUST God, and that’s really as far as I need to go with all that. I know Him, I know His heart, and I know His love for me, so even if it’s crazy, yep, you bet Lord!
Anyway, as she was praying, and as the tears rolled down my cheeks, I began to see what really happened. Satan shot an incredibly sharp, strategic, flaming arrow right at my heart. If you read my last blog, you understand the strategic timing of all this. I was in this happy place, high on Jesus’ Love for me and BOOM boom pow. He shoots, and I find myself falling off the cloud I was sitting on and heading straight for the pit of disappointment. Disappointment is usually the enemy’s landing location of choice for me.
I think I hear from the Lord, I trust it and jump, then BOOM, I am set up for disappointment.
That has been a theme of my life. But not anymore in Jesus’ name!
As I am sitting at the table, everything in me wants to run to my room and hide in My Father’s arms, but also have an intense conversation with Him about what the heck just happened! I would’ve said:
“What the heck dad, how is THAT protecting and loving me? What are you doing? I have surrendered everything, including my WHOLE heart to you and that is how you protect it? I gave you my heart knowing that it could possibly be broken and disappointed again, but you promised me that it would be safe in your hands. It doesn’t feel safe right now! How am I supposed to trust you? Why did you let Satan hit me like that? How could that possibly be part of the story or plan?”
Well, I didn’t get to say any of that. He didn’t even let me run to Him. He ran to me. He PURSUED me.
My friend and brother, Austin, came to me and just held me. God wasn’t about to let me sit there and be burned by a fiery arrow from the enemy, so He SENT a man to come to me on His behalf.
I don’t understand His ways. I don’t understand His plan or His thoughts or anything really. He works in ways that seem so stupid to us. We can’t possibly get it. But we can trust it, and stand on His love and faithfulness.
You wanna know what I saw after I saw the strategic and well-devised plan of Satan? I saw Jesus sitting with me and wiping away my tears. I felt Him hold me and rub my knee and whisper how much He loves me and how much He will fight for me. I saw God take a plan from the enemy, DESTROY it, and twist it and turn it into a three hour conversation that lifted my spirits, healed my heart, and provided truth and wisdom to my friend all at the same time!
“No weapon formed against you shall prosper.” Isaiah 54:17
Satan’s “weapon” hit me. It pierced me and caused me to bleed a little…but it didn’t PROSPER. It was removed and actually redirected to where it came from. I believe that same arrow pierced through the same spirit that sent it. Whooo our God is greater. Literally. I can prove it. Actually, I think I just did.
The more arrows Satan throws, the more I see God’s sovereignty and Love.
I am willing and ready to do ANYTHING for my true love and His people. Even if that means suffering, because I know the Heart of the One I Love and Live for. And it’s worth it.
As you delve into the depths of who He is, you too will discover that it’s worth it to trust in the mystery of who He is.
