Change.
As I reflect back to the beginning of my race, I realize how this word has affected me. How it has been the key to transformation in my life. I now see how this tiny, yet massive and intense word, has been used by the Creator of the giant universe to stir and awaken me.
When I was called up to squad lead, I said yes out of obedience. I joked with my friend a few days before they asked, “Nothing in my flesh wants to do that.” But, I said yes, because the seasons that I have experienced the past few years have been that of refinement and service and this would be nothing different. I can’t say no to what God asks of me. Obedience is engrained in me, deep, and I am extremely thankful for that. God called me out and into things that I would never have gone into on my own, unless He asked. He awoke things inside of me that I had NEVER seen before and He propelled me into who I am called to be for the kingdom. For five months, I took on the role of being a servant and soldier for the kingdom by pursuing thirty hearts and squashing the enemy’s attacks against them. It was an honor and a gift, but it was hard. It felt like a season of training for battle. It felt like a glimpse of what I was born to do. It pushed me into complete dependence on Him and it stretched me in every way. So much growth occurred. It was my own personal season of supernatural boot camp. I learned through trial and error, by making a ton of mistakes, and by being humbled in intense ways. It was SO good. I love going through seasons like that because I see the fruit it produces. It felt like conditioning before season in ways. You run and lift weights and do things you would never enjoy doing, but you do them anyway because you know that fruit will come from your labor.
The image I had when they were training us to be squad leaders, was a pool. I told the alumni squad leaders that I saw what was in the pool they were asking me to jump into, and I didn’t want any part of it yet. You see, I am an all in person, I don’t just tip toe in to stuff, if I am going for it, I am GOING for it. Obedience is what forced me into that pool. I knew that God had crazy intense stuff waiting for me and was scared out of my mind. I had an idea of what He was asking me to do and go through, and I didn’t want to do it. But, because of my convicted spirit, I obeyed. I was ready to lay myself on the line for the squad, whatever that meant or looked like.
Boy, I had no idea what that would look like and I knew I was completely out of my league. During squad leading, God called me to be this fierce and extremely ballsy woman. I always knew myself as being super goofy, super laid back, and someone who didn’t stir stuff up EVER. Squad leading awoke this woman and spirit inside of me that spoke with fire. Someone was born or better yet, revealed in me, who didn’t shy away from conflict but called it out and even created it at times in order to bring breakthrough. Spiritually, I have never experienced so much growth and change in my life. This word that was given to me by another squad leader from a different squad demonstrates the person I became while I was squad leading…
“(She) hulk in a wave pool. Disrupting the mundane comfortable calm of organized and scheduled ripples in the water with the great strength that rises up out of the overflow of your heart and passion. A surge of healthy violence, kingdom violence. Ruining the ordinary and setting the stage for extraordinary things to happen. It’s in you, not of you..not of this world, but of the world to come…”
Crazy.
What ultimately happened was I became a soldier, a warrior. God allowed me to see the fighter in me and actually called it forth. He gave me glimpses of the fighting that He has called me to do for the kingdom. You know the scene in the Bible where Jesus walks into the temple and gets angry and turns the tables upside down? Or the way He speaks to the Pharisees and calls out their inauthenticity? Yeah, I experienced a taste of that. God awoke that same kingdom violence in me and showed me how to use it against the darkness. He gave me new eyes to see the way the enemy works and has revealed one of the greatest weapons He has put inside of me to combat that fool…TRUTH.
As I sit here and process that season of my life, it is mind blowing. He revealed a whole other part of who I am in Him. He ignited a flame in me that desires to provide deep healing to people and release truth into the atmosphere. He revealed a passion for propelling people into what they can be in Him and to unlock the gifts that He has given them. Mostly, He gave me the privilege of telling people what He was saying to them in moments when they needed it the most.
All of this happened because I said yes, and because I allowed Him to stretch me. It happened because of change. Something that scared me and I wanted no part of turned out to be the beginning of something crazy. I was blessed in ridiculous ways and stepped into something that literally changed me deep within.
Change.
Everything amazing starts with change. It starts with an ending. Usually if you are scared out of your mind and don’t think you are capable, that is when God shows up and transforms you. My transformation will probably look different than yours, but there are always new seasons He has waiting for us.
I want to encourage you to embrace change. To cling to the fact that your Father is good and that you have hope. So, if change is coming, if it’s taking place right now, or if it just happened…just stick close to Him and enjoy the wild ride. It’s GOOD.
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