As the days go by, most of my thoughts and feelings about the race have been pretty chill. I am super excited to travel the world, to LOVE on people with not just my arms, but His arms, and experience life in a totally new way. Recently, my thoughts have completely flipped. Instead of thinking of all the stuff I stated before…I am thinking of this stuff…
the "yuck," the "I would rather not have to experience that" or "eat that" or "squat there"
I am thinking of the tents, the bugs, the mosquitoes, the hole in the ground that I am supposed to handle my business in, the fact that I LOSE energy from being around people instead of vice versa and on EVERY single blog I have read from fellow world racers that are experienced, there is zeroooo alone time. Which means my energy should logically be in the negatives extremely quick… (Lord help me) Also, my repaired ACL, will it hold up with all the walking? My planter fasciitis (spelling Mike? :)) without the most perfect shoes that I can possibly find, that planter is gonna flare up like a mad man with a hot temper. My hair…should I cut it short and just let it go, or should I keep it a little longer so I can just pull it back? Feminine stuff…don't even wanna begin to stress about that again…how about the travel… yuck! Crammed for days stuck in a small space with no room to breathe. Will I be able to handle that? Will I be able to still heal people, give them hope, and exemplify the joy of Christ with all this going on? Yeah, I really think so…no matter how many people joke or point out the negatives and say "Whooo yeah britt, that sounds like a good time!" but secretly are thanking God He didn't call them on this journey…I always come back to the fact that I didn't choose this! I heard about this race randomly at the PERFECT (go figure) time and wasn't even sure I could do it or should do it, I doubted HIS calling and then was completely transparent to my squad/newfamily and they confirmed the LORD'S CALL with about 30 comments on our facebook group page (in less than 5 minutes) with words of encouragement with the most important word I needed to hear…..GO!!!
So here I am…scared, nervous, terrified, petrified, grossed out, worried, and weak. "But when you are weak I am strong…" Hmmmm. so maybe it's okay that I am scared and weak and completely and totally inexperienced afterall…I am pretty sure HE can do way more with me then I could ever manage to do with myself. So with that realization along with the fact that I have to remind myself everyday that it will work out, that I will get all my gear, the money and support will come in, and eventually…as a result… that I will fall on my face with joy and thanks for my God who has blessed me with this amazing opportunity by CHOOSING me to do this crazy insane race…
I press on…and just take it day by day and walk in faith…that's all I can do…that's all YOU can do.
Now..I leave you with an up-close look at a team in cambodia, a country I will be going to, and the luxorious, or maybe not, living conditions……please pray for me! 🙂
