God gave me a word at the beginning of 2011. FREEDOM. This last week has been revelation of what this word really means for me. In the weeks leading up to training camp, I struggled. I questioned all I was giving up; weighing the value with what I had at home. Pause for a second to think about this. I don’t want to sound ungrateful in the least for this opportunity. Imagine moving out of your house, giving up your car, quitting your job, selling your clothes (and your coach purses, ladies). Picture leaving your family, friends and all opportunities to make new memories, for an ENTIRE YEAR. All to pack what you can in one backpack, meet up with a bunch of people you know primarily through Facebook stalking, and traveling to random countries to talk about the one thing that you have a hard time sharing with people at home. JESUS. It is an incredibly, scary thought.
I questioned my ability, my mental capacity, my worthiness. What kind of person does this? What kind of person loves others, loves God enough to go? Surely it’s not me. I am not this kind of person, am I? I have struggled with very real issues in my life. Past issues with my self-worth, my boundaries with guys, my limitations with alcohol, my “bad-ass” attitude, and the list goes on. I truly allowed myself to wear these struggles around my neck. I allowed myself to see these issues when I looked in the mirror. The cool thing about God is that when you make the decision to follow after Him whole-heartedly, those things don’t matter anymore. Actually, those things don’t even EXIST to Him anymore.
After an incredible, life-giving conversation with my squad leader (completed with a dance session for Jesus), I realized that growing with Christ is not about perfection. He never required perfection. Actually, its not even possible. He takes us right where we are at, flaws and all. I made a decision that night that before I left the country, I wanted to be baptized. I wanted a physical representation of the life/past I was leaving behind and the NEW NEW NEW that God was leading me towards this year.
So, Friday morning before we left, my team gathered around me. I received my “bucket baptism” before God and my incredible Z-FAM. It was possibly the most freeing experience I have had with Christ so far. Words cannot describe the things I felt that morning. It was as if God literally gave me a new heart, mind and body. I don’t even feel the same. GOD IS GOOD.
So, I want to share with you the experience I had. This is just a part of the “ceremony” but enough for you to get the idea. I had thought that this baptism wasn’t going to be as legit as the traditional way, but a member of the A-Squad said something that still gives me goose bumps. She pointed out that in a traditional baptism, you are dunked in and out of the water once, leaving behind the person you were while becoming new in Christ. In the “bucket baptism”, the water was pouring over like a constant waterfall. It was a beautiful picture to me because it represented the grace of God that continues to make us new in Him every day. He is like a waterfall pouring out over hearts.
