It’s month 6th and the World Race is halfway over! Can you believe that you sent me off on an 11 month mission trip around the world last January?
Time is flying by. I hope you’ve been enjoying the blog updates and the photos posted on Facebook. Hopefully you’ve been able to learn about new cultures and ministries, but more importantly I hope you’ve been able to enjoy learning about how God is working in my life and the lives of those I encounter.
So you want to know what life is really like on the Race?
The Race has been an up and down rollercoaster physically, spiritually and emotionally. Some months are filled with lots of ministry work, while other months are slower and less glamorous. I know you’ve seen some awesome photos, but every day isn’t fun and adventurous. There are days where you sit around in a hut playing cards, napping or reading in order to pass the time. There are days where you are painting, building, evangelizing and teaching Bible lessons all day long and are exhausted. Some months you have a bed and some personal space, while other months your whole team is living in one small room with foam mattresses lining your entire living space for the month. There are days you feel really close to God and there are days you can’t seem to hear him. Some months are filled with adventure days exploring waterfalls, hiking or seeing world wonders, while other months consist of adventure days to the local town that contains a KFC, a grocery store, a gas station and a clothing shop. You’d also be surprised how normal life is on the World Race when you take away the different culture aspect.
Serving others, adventure and experiencing new cultures drew me to the World Race initially because those are some of my passions. They’re some of the main reasons I signed up and embarked on this mission trip, but there was another big reason.
I didn’t always emphasize this when I started telling you about why I was going on the World Race because I thought it was a selfish reason, but nonetheless it was an important reason.
Discipleship is a big aspect of the Race.
When I applied for the Race, I struggled with restlessness. I dreamed of living abroad and serving others, but I also wanted to be responsible and live the “American Dream.” I thought I found a good balance because I had a good stable job and went on service trips abroad at least once a year, but I was still restless.
When I applied for the Race I struggled with people pleasing and perfectionism. I avoided confrontation as much as possible and swept a lot of things under the rug until they would inevitably explode. I worried how people perceived me and often changed so I was liked. I had unrealistic expectations for myself and often times couldn’t meet them, which made me feel bad about myself. I spent a lot of time trying to make everything look like it was going well, even though I often had no idea what I was doing.
When I applied for the Race I struggled celebrating my accomplishments and receiving compliments when I did something well. Instead I focused on the things I messed up on or could’ve done better. I didn’t want people to know how sensitive I was, so I would bury my emotions and try as hard as possible to hide the tears.
I’ve struggled with those things most of my life and had made some progress, but I knew the discipleship aspect of the World Race would help me to continue to walk through those struggles with the Lord and find more freedom.
When I left for the Race I was ready and excited to grow and be challenged. I was eager to help others and do ministry well. I was ready to rough it and leave all my comforts behind. I was ready to be in a community that continually challenged you to look more like Christ each day.
Even though I was ready and excited, my first few months of the Race were hard. We were encouraged to be ourselves and be open with our new teammates, but that was difficult for me. The people that really knew me were back in the States and I was now living with 6 others who were basically strangers. I wanted to be me, but I didn’t know how to do that. I was so used to people pleasing and changing to cater to others.
The first few months on the Race I struggled letting people really know my heart because I wasn’t sure if I could trust them or if they would judge me. I was very reserved, watchful and hesitant. I struggled to share how I was truly feeling and I was afraid to cry in front of others because I didn’t want to be labeled as the “emotional” one. I struggled to see where I fit in on the team or how my skills benefitted the team. I struggled with not feeling known, appreciated or loved by my teammates. Also, who wants an over organized schedule loving woman on their team especially when most of the team thrived on going with the flow?
So now you know what I struggled with before I signed up for the Race and for the first few months of the Race. Now the question is do I still struggle with those things?
Well, the answer is yes and no.
I’m a work in progress. The Lord is teaching me new things every day. He’s using my teammates, the leadership at AIM and my supporters to encourage me, to build me up and most importantly to point me to the Lord.
Yes, there still are days when I struggle with perfectionism, vulnerability or with who I am, but not as many. Those struggles have less of a hold on me the more time I spend with the Lord and seek Him. I’m continually learning more about who he is and who he says I am. It’s given me more confidence in my identity in Christ.
I’m only halfway through my journey and it’s crazy how much the Lord has already taught me. No, not every day is an adventure and yes, some days are really hard. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s caused me to grow. It’s made me more bold and confident in the Lord. This journey is helping me to learn to relinquish my control and surrender everything to Him. Through discipleship I am becoming more and more like Christ.
Thank you for your continual support and thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers!
