Hey everybody! This week marks 1 month that I’ve been here in Guatemala! We have a “debrief” which is basically a week-long rest to process every crazy thing that’s happened so far. I wrote this blog a few weeks ago, but wasn’t sure how to finish it or why I should post it in the first place. But God is doing crazy things inside of me and growing me so much so I thought you all deserved to be kept in the loop. Please bear with me through this long post, I don’t think this message could be condensed, but it’s powerful what God did, so I think it will be worth your time.
A few weeks ago, I started to question why I was here, I don’t have much to offer here and there’s much more fun and comforting stuff at home I’d rather be doing. What was my motivation for being here? Then I got to thinking, what motivates me to do anything in life? The answer is love. I drive my sister to basketball because I love her, I spend time with my parents because I love them (they’re cool people too and fun to hang out with, but you get my point), I’m on this trip because I love Jesus, and I’ll do anything for Him. But why did he do what he did those 2,000 years ago on the cross? Because He loves us!
A little backstory:
I’ve lived my whole life as a lukewarm Christian, I believe in God but only when it’s convenient for me, like when I need God to fix something in my life. One of the biggest reasons I came on this trip was to grow in my faith and continue to follow Him through the ups and the downs. I have since learned it also means having a relationship with Him. That idea was so foreign to me, how could I have a relationship with the One who created everything; I’m 1 of 7 billion people; statistically speaking, I’m insignificant. But as the weeks continue on, God keeps revealing Himself to me in amazing and tender ways that makes me want to know His heart.
A few weeks ago, we were taught in a session by some of the staff here what it means to live a life transformed by Christ. They compared it to being burned, you’re never are the same after. But in this case, it’s actually good and doesn’t completely stink. They talked about God’s love, something I had heard a million times throughout my lukewarm life.”For God so LOVED the world…” imprinted in my mind forever from all the Sunday school lessons.It made me realize that I’ve never felt His love, just heard about it a million times. But did he actually love me? It’s hard to imagine that the guy who created everything you can see from East to West would love you so much despite whatever you had done and still wants to have a relationship. In my mind, you have to think pretty highly of yourself to think you deserve a relationship with him.
(Here’s the thing, we DON’T deserve it in any way. I cannot stress that enough. He just graciously deems us worthy in His eyes to love us)
Ok but I seriously did not understand any of this before I got here, Jesus wanted to show me His heart and understand that I’m worthy enough to be loved by the King of Kings. In the session, we were asked that if we wanted to be transformed and serve God for the rest of our lives, to come to the front of the room, get on our knees and proclaim that to Him. (side note: this is different from being saved, this is living FOR Him, no matter the sacrifice, not just repenting and believing he exists). I came to the front, remembering I was tired of being a lukewarm follower of Christ, and was on my knees for what felt like forever.
A little while later, one of the team leaders stood up and told us about a vision she had, of us in Heaven, how delighted Jesus was in us and how happy he was were there. I imagined Jesus running towards me and weeping with joy that I was right in front of him. For some reason, that really resonated with me, maybe because I’ve never felt like anyone has ever been delighted in me, that they would do anything for me. This hit me like a truck. He really does love me! He wants me to live an abundant life more than anything, and is proud of who I am, no matter how rebellious I can be at times. I cannot tell you how many times he has picked me up after I’ve fallen and how many times He’s comforted me when I needed it. He wants the best for me.
It astounds me that He wanted to create us in his image (Genesis 1:27 “God created man in His own image). I think we can all agree that God is perfect, yet He wanted us to be modeled after something so beautiful as Him. But it didn’t stop there: God comforts us, “he leads us to still waters, he restores our souls” (psalms 23). He certainly didn’t have to do any of that and would still deserve every praise we could ever give. But he loves us so much to go the extra mile and love us and take care of us so well. Like seriously, it’s probably a ton of work to restore 7 billion souls and lead them in the path of righteousness, but he does it anyway.
I am astounded that we get to serve the creator of the universe, but even more shocked that he wants us to know him and be friends. It sounds weird to be friends with Jesus, but I see it as the only way to know him. This concept of having a relationship with the Lord, where I am in constant communication with Him, and vice versa is still new, so I’m learning to navigate that. But I can rest easy in the fact that the most powerful man in all of creation loves me and fights for me, which means I get to live a life free of worry. It also means that my identity is so much better than I ever thought. I am a princess and am a warrior. Nothing of this world can make me think otherwise or doubt myself. I feel that I am being set free all over again. Once when I was saved, and now that I am in relationship with Him.
I pray that all of you FEEL His love instead of just hearing about it. Feeling it makes me want to serve God for the rest of my life.
I can’t believe I’ve been here for only a month and how much I am being changed by the Father. Can’t wait to see what he continues to teach me throughout the next 8 months.
Once again, thank you for reading my blogs, it means a lot to know I have people at home cheering me on. Love you guys!
I will be posting a photo blog later this week to show you how beautiful our debrief location is.
