When I went to training camp I wasn’t sure what worship actually was. Sure I worship the Lord everyday but I didn’t actually know that people gathered together and worshiped. Or that there were different forms of worshiping. The first night of training camp we had worship and wow was I blown away.
That first night I was shocked. I was expecting people to just sit there and listen to music. Instead it was a room full of people dancing, singing, crying and kneeling. My first night of worship I sat there and just sang. No passion behind my words. After worship I went back to my tent and tried to fall asleep.
God reminded me of a day my year at Northern Arizona University. I had attended a catholic awakening retreat that the college’s catholic church put together every semester. At this particular retreat the arch bishop of Arizona had attended. At one point they decided to hold confession. I decided to go. I ended up in confession with the arch bishop. I expressed how I was having a hard time connecting with God. He proceeded to ask me if I enjoyed music. I shared with him how I have a passion for singing. He told me how by singing I am able to connect with God. How through songs is how I communicate with God. I dont know why but I forgot about that moment until that night at training camp.
After that night at training camp I wasn’t afraid anymore of making myself look dumb. I knew that the only person whose thoughts about how I worship that matters is Gods. I felt so free after that first night of worship. I went from never listening to Christian music to not wanting to stop listening to it.
In the months leading up to launch, I hardly ever listened to music that wasn’t worship music. I was falling in love with songs I’d never heard before. At launch I noticed a girl who was dancing, full out dancing during worship. I stood there and started missing dance. All I could think of was what everyone else in the room would think of me if I started dancing. So I didnt.
Three weeks later while we were in Alabama we were worshiping when all of a sudden I broke free and started dancing. I knew others were watching but I didnt care. Dancing made me happy and I wasn’t going to let anyone stop me. Later that night Susan shared with me how she loved watching me dance. How she could tell that I stepped out of a boundary I had put up and broke free. How she could tell how happy I was. She encouraged me to not stop dancing. I felt like a little kid again not caring about who was watching me.
A week after that we headed to Memphis, Tennessee for our first debrief. I remember having a one on one with our mentor and telling her about my passion for singing. She told me to talk to Andrew about leading a night of worship. I instantly said no. I made up some excuse on why I couldn’t do it. Again I was worrying about what others thought and not what would make me happy.
Fast forward to a month ago. Andrew came up to me and asked me if I would lead a night of worship. For those who dont know leading worship means you choose which form of woship you’ll be doing and what music you will be playing. I immediately said yes. I was done worrying about what other would think. I was ready to do whatever made me happy. Now here I am a month later. I’ve created a worship set that we will woship to on Friday night. I couldn’t be prouder of myself.
I’ve overcome so many obstacles. I’ve learned how to tell the difference between the truth and the lies the enemy is putting in my head. I know I am capable of so much more than I think I am. As it says in Psalm 34:17:
“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord heard, and rescues them from all of there troubles.”
I will no longer worry about what others think while I worship. I will only worry about how I want to worship.
