My whole life I have always felt like an outcast. I have felt like no one truly understood who I am. After years of barely having friends of constantly being bullied of being torn down by person by person, I put up a wall. I hardly let anyone in. The wall became thicker and thicker. It got to a point where I became very depressed because I did not let anyone know how I feel.
My senior year of high school is when I hit my all time low. The one friend I had that I knew I could count on got pregnant and moved schools. I looked at my life and could not see what I had to live for. I had no friends, I was being bullied on a daily basis, and everyone else I had shut out including God. I went on a downwards spiral. It got to a point where I contemplated taking my own life. My mom saw what was happening and got me the help I needed. She helped me find God again and got me to counselors who helped me get through the process. I eventually found three amazing friends who I am still friends with to this day.
Even though I finally got out of that very dark place I would never be the same. I still had a wall up around me. I hardly let anyone in. To be honest the wall just got thicker. I didn’t show my emotions, I didnt tell anyone my story. Finally I started to break it down. I finally started aiming for the life I wanted. I applied for the police academy and got accepted. That was honestly a huge mistake. In the police academy you are forced to keep down your emotions. You are forced to stay strong and not show any sign of weakness. The wall I was finally starting to bring down was all of a sudden 10 times thicker.
About half way through the academy I discovered the World Race. I never imagined how I would be able to take a year off but I prayed about it. After quitting the police academy I applied to go. I never thought I would be accepted. By Gods amazing glory I was accepted. In the back of my head though I kept saying don’t let these people in don’t show them your weakness.
When I arrived in Atlanta the first thing I did was I went to find my team. I was still planning on shutting them out and not letting them in. I could hear God in my head saying trust me, trust them. If you don’t let them in you wont make it through the year. I put you on this team for a reason. You can trust them. That is when I did the thing I never thought I would do. I went and hugged my team. Prior to that point the last time I had hugged someone outside my family had been years prior. I felt such a sense of relief after that hug. I also felt that wall crumble.
If you are reading this blog and see yourself in my words. Please go seek help. There are people out there who love you you just need to let them in. More specifically never forget that God loves you for who you are. Never forget that.
