This month has not been easy. I have really been trying to process things from the past 10 months but I have had a hard time coming to terms with the way things turned out. Which is why the word for month 10 is:
Difficult
Initially the plan was for me to join another team for month 11 to travel around doing different ministries but things changed and I will be staying in Alabama for my last month. Shortly after returning from my weekend home, I got the news that I would not be going back out. On top of that I also learned that I will no longer be going to final debrief due to me not having a team to do team activities with it would be awkward. This was not easy to hear. The main thing that kept me going the past month was the thought of me going back on the field and getting to see everyone again at final debrief. Now here I am not getting to go back out and not getting a final debrief.
Initially my leadership team thought it would be a good idea to come up after final debrief and do a debrief with me. Unfortunately this was not possible due to me needing to get back for my sister Hannah’s wedding. After talking with them more we agreed to do debrief over the phone once I’m back in Arizona. This was still hard though. I didn’t want a debrief over the phone. I wanted a debrief with 30 people in person. A debrief where I could participate in the fun activities. This was not God’s plan though. I had and am still having a hard time coming to terms with this.
The timing of this news was great. The leadership team initially found out before I went to Arizona but didn’t tell me until I returned to Alabama. I was appreciative of this because I have a feeling that if I was told before the trip that I would’ve stayed in Arizona.
On top of this news I had my trip back home. While I am very glad I went home for my sisters bridal shower it was really weird being back. It almost felt like a dream. At the same time it felt like I never left. There were so many different feelings and emotions I didn’t really feel like I could appreciate being home. It also wasn’t easy to leave again after really being home for only 2 days. At the same time I am really glad I got to go home for 2 days.
This month has not been easy but I’ve seen God through it all. God has been there through everything. I never felt alone or afraid. Nothing has been what I expected this year but it’s only made my relationship with God stronger.
