Just a heads up for those who don’t know but that’s a title for a song from a Christian rap group named GRITS. Also, I know I Just posted a blog yesterday, but This Story HAS to Be Told, I Can’t hold it back Anymore!
This Blog is something I’ve had on my HEART for Quite some time and my mind has Had IT! I HAVE TO SHARE THIS with YOU. This is ME sharing with YOU my past, imperfections, sincerity, struggles, proclamations, new ways of actions/thoughts, and more.
I am Not perfect, I have Not been the picturesque Christian, I have Fears and Failures that seem to never end, and I Have God By My Side the Whole Time.
I grew up in a wonderful family, went to church, and no real problems At All. Then school in the 1st Grade and on became a Living Hell to me. From 1st all the way through 8th grade, I was ignored, rejected, lonely, ridiculed, put-down, and more by those around me. I never really had a Best Friend growing up in school. I was skinny, small, had HUGE glasses, probably had an annoying voice, did all my work well and correctly I was assigned, and etc. I did Absolutely NOTHING to those people, and all I wanted was to be one of the regular kids and have friends. Now, there were a few times where I had people to talk to and were nice to me, so this wasn’t all the time, but it happened WAY TOO MUCH in my mind.
I felt Huge pressure from my parents of I was expected to understand and complete my school work with No Problem at all. This created so much MORE stress and anger in my life. The frustration, resentment, and anger from the people making me feel like an outcast just made me into a horrible person. I would harvest all the things in my mind from ALL THOSE YEARS. It’s Not healthy. I would go home and just go into Uncontrollable tantrums of releasing all that Hatred and Bitterness towards those who I felt wronged me. I was an Innocent person from my point of view, which I mentioned before.
I said and thought of HORRIBLE (just absolutely horrible) things upon anything and everything I didn’t like/did me wrong. High School was wonderful since the being picked on stopped, yet I continued to have Stress and Anger built up in me from those Hurtful years. In high school I still felt like i was rejected and ignored by so many people, and all I wanted to be was nice and become friends with people….that’s It. I felt Very Lonely during high school…I never dated, went to prom, never really hung out with those nice people I’d talked to in school.
During my freshman year of college, all I can remember one day was me on my knees ballin’ my eyes out and Releasing all the Hatred and Resentment toward those from the past like 10 years. It hurt SO Bad, yet I KNEW I HAD TO FORGIVE THOSE PEOPLE. God released me from those bindings of those horrible thoughts of those people, yet I was still scarred. I was scarred in a way that how I react in Stressful situations was Not Pretty and Appropriate, and I really did show my Ugly side a few times in College, and I Apologize.
So all during College I felt like I was able to get closer and closer to God from attending the christian groups on campus, yet I would live a Double-Life near the end of my college career. I would say one thing and go out and completely do the opposite. I rebelled for a lil more than a year from wanting to be “perfect lil me”. I drank, I cursed, and other disgusting things that makes me just really not want to Tell people. Satan had wedged his way in-between me and God, in some sort of sense. The result was destroying me and my thoughts from the inside out.
This past Spring semester I had Gone to a Christian conference called Passion, in a small group, and was in a Great 1 on 1 bible study. In the 1 on 1 Study, we broke down 1 JOHN. Let me make this CLEAR, GO READ AND BREAK DOWN 1 JOHN PLEASE!!! I was asked questions, which made me Struggle So much and realize all the Stupid stuff I was doing and had done in the past. I wanted and aspire to be a Great Christian like the Bible says. I Love people, and Love sharing His Love with others that I have received from people in my past.
1 JOHN really breaks it down To The Core of One’s Faith and Beliefs of being a True Christian. No more half and half, I Wanted to be COMPLETE. I got rid of So many things, which made me become of Worldly/Societies view and thoughts. Yall, WAKE UP! Society is Corrupt, and It HATES what the Lord Testifies. And SATAN Will Do whatever he can to make us go by the ways of the World rather than of God.
One verse, which I’m Eternally grateful to be brought to my knowledge of true Christian, Faith, and Love. 1 John 3:16-20 16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
At Training Camp GOD SHATTERED WALLS OF FEAR AND DOUBT I HAD IN MY MIND. My scars from the past made me continue to Think of one who was still rejected, ignored, out of place, not accepted, etc! The Prayers and Power placed over/spoken to me at Camp completely destroyed my Walls of FEAR Satan Still had a Hold On.
GOD SHOWED UP W/ the Holy Spirit and NOW Satan is absolutely Terrified of ME…and I grin and now have the Mind-set of chasing out Satan’s grasp and hold on those in this World.
I apologize for the length of this….there’s still even more, BUT I WANTED TO SHARE MY THOUGHTS AND PAST to Anyone and Everyone to bring Truth that JESUS is LORD and We are More than CONQUERORS in HIS Name
